We wrote four different posts and only decided on this one at the very last minute, honest

Video February 25, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

Monday’s Coronation Street double-whammy was every bit as fantastic as we had hoped, but there’s one little thing that’s bothering us.

The producers are adamant that they’ve filmed four possible endings to the Richard Hillman story.

Yeah, right. We get this load of old toss every single time there’s a major soap storyline in the offing, and after the episodes in question have been aired, the mysterious ‘other endings’ are never mentioned again.

If that fancy people carrier isn’t spashing into the Weatherfield canal come Monday, March 12, we’ll eat our hat (and to do that, we would actually have to go out and buy a hat).

Music

You love Snatch

Video February 24, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

The lovely A*Teens have decided to release A Perfect Match as their next single.

Those of you who have been with us since the beginning will recall that this song features the classic line “You love Grease, baby, I love Snatch”.

If there’s a better example of the unfortunate things that can happen when people write songs in English when it isn’t their first language, we’ve yet to hear it. Of course, the ‘Teens are simply having an innocent discussion, in song, about their taste in films, but if you’ve got a filthy mind (which, obviously, we do), the words can have slightly different connotations.

In the event of a UK release, we look forward to hearing an Eminem-style radio version with the offending snatch references blanked out. We also await the video with interest.

Late-night culture shock

Video February 24, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

It was 4am, and lowculture had stumbled home in a state of no small inebriation. In honour of National Chip Week, we were tucking into a polystyrene tray full of greasy goodness, and had decided to see if there was anything worth watching on TV.

After a bit of idle flicking through the channels, we were startled by some familiar music that could mean only one thing – Channel 5 were repeating Melrose Place!

Unfortunately, it was the rubbish first series, before Special Guest Star Heather Locklear made her first appearance as scheming supervixen Amanda and nutty Dr Kimberly tried to blow up the whole cast with a home-made bomb, but by that stage of the evening, we were prepared to take our kicks wherever we could get ‘em.

A nosey at the EPG revealed a further treat to come at 5.10am. Soothing brown titles. Mournful music. Rubbish sets. Yes, they were showing Sons and Daughters as well. Unforunately, we passed out long before it started.

Advance warning

Video February 22, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

Felicity Kendall is to make a return to our TV screens as a gardening detective.

She will team up with Pam Ferris to solve all manner of horticultural puzzles in (wait for it) Rosemary and Thyme.

The pair will play gardeners Rosemary Baxter and Laura Thyme, and we are hoping for something along the lines of Murder, She Wrote, but with trowels instead of typewriters.

Filming ends in June, and we can expect it on our screens by 2004.

2013 UPDATE: This was almost exactly as we predicted.

Music, TV

Hair today, gone tomorrow… please?

Video February 21, 2003 Neil Moir Leave a comment

Anyone who saw this year’s Brit Awards would have noticed an unwelcome addition to the proceedings.

No, not the ban of alcohol that left us seriously short of the usual arse-waving, MP-soaking antics, but the unnerving reappearance of the goatee beard.

In fairness, on George Michael it was expected, but on Tom Jones it was truly terrifying.

The Welsh crooner, who picked up the Outstanding Contribution to Music award on the night, only served to show how stealing Craig David’s cast-offs does nothing to increase your sex appeal.

Justin Timberlake, please take note.

Get fresh

Video February 21, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

There’s been frantic activity in the mint market over the last few months, with new and ever-more-ridiculous products hitting the shelves at an alarming rate.

Of these new products, the most sinister are Wrigley’s Extra Thin Ice strips.

lowculture is genetically programmed to want to try all stupid new consumer items, so we trotted of to WHSmith in search of some.

For around 70p, you get 24 little blue strips of minty strangeness that turn to goo on your tongue and make you want to retch. They’re quite strong, too – as an experiment, we stuffed five in at once and just about blew our head off.

In a way, it’s kind of like going to church and taking communion, except you get a mint, and you will probably still go to hell.

2013 UPDATE: I couldn’t find a video of the TV ad for these mints, only the storyboards.

Music, TV

Every dog has her Van Day

Video February 21, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

We’re very much looking forward to Born in the USA. There’s something about packing a load of old has-beens in a bus and sending them to a different continent that’s got enormous appeal.

The element that’s delighting us the most is that the show will feature the original Dollar line-up. lowculture was discussing the changing fortunes of the former members with some colleages just a few short months ago, when we managed to convince a particularly gullible friend that one of them was running a bric-a-brac emporium in Southend called Thereze’s Bazaar.

Anyway, nearer the time we will be taking bets on which fellow performer will be first to give David Van Day a slap (our money’s on Sonia – we wouldn’t like to get in a fight with her).

2013 UPDATE: Sonia and David Van Day did indeed hate each other on sight.

lowculture.co.uk

We can seeeeeeee you!

February 21, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

Since we started lowculture, we’ve become complete web geeks. We talk in HTML and spend hours looking at our web stats when we should be working.

Here are some interesting facts about you, our lovely readers:

» One of you is from Lithuania. Hello!

» There are lots of people at the BBC who are not workingand are reading this instead.

» Like the Marks & Spencer foodhall, our busiest time is lunchtime.

» 351 of you got here via Popjustice.

Music, TV

Don’t hold back, Louis

February 20, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

We’re still reeling from yesterday’s news about the cancellation of the Popstars: The Rivals tour.

Our pain was made slightly more bearable when we heard Louis Walsh on Radio 1′s Newsbeat saying he was glad the tour was off because One True Voice are “a bunch of arseholes”.

Bet they speak highly of him as well.

Special request

Video February 19, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

lowculture reader Nikki, a big fan of Footballers Wives, writes:

“Please print pic of look on Jason and Jackie’s faces when lady doc told them wee Paddy was an ‘intersex’ baby – I laughed my tits off.”

Sadly, we couldn’t find a picture of that, but using the latest hi-tech methods (pointing our camera phone at the TV is fairly hi-tech, isn’t it?), we managed to get this shot from the moment where Jason announced that the baby couldn’t be intersex because: “It’s got a dick – I’ve seen it!”

Enjoy.

2013 UPDATE: As we are now LIVING IN THE FUTURE, you can watch the actual episode and not have to rely on my dreadful phone snap.

It's great to love stuff