There’s a new series of SHIPWRECKED coming soon on Channel 4 – great news for people who enjoy watching attractive young people marooned on a desert island, having arguments while not wearing very much.

It’s the usual deal – two tribes battle it out to trouser the £100,000 prize money, vying for the attention of new arrivals and running around getting off with each other.

If you simply can’t wait for it to appear on your telly, you can watch the opening show RIGHT NOW (yes, RIGHT NOW) at this website – the perfect opportunity to make snap judgements about who you like and dislike before your friends do.

We can’t help but worry about the emotional health of someone who finds themselves stranded on a desert island for five months once they return to the real world, so we caught up with lowculture forum member Rory, who appeared on Shipwrecked a couple of years ago, to see how he fared.

“I was possessed by a spirit on the island!”, he raved. “It used to be a leper colony where they were left to die. I was talking to my parents about it this week, and they agreed I haven’t been the same since.”

Blimey! And how has this sinister possession manifested itself?

“I started smoking more and became more promiscuous. Obviously the habits of a leper!”

Obviously.