It was 4am, and lowculture had stumbled home in a state of no small inebriation. In honour of National Chip Week, we were tucking into a polystyrene tray full of greasy goodness, and had decided to see if there was anything worth watching on TV.

After a bit of idle flicking through the channels, we were startled by some familiar music that could mean only one thing – Channel 5 were repeating Melrose Place!

Unfortunately, it was the rubbish first series, before Special Guest Star Heather Locklear made her first appearance as scheming supervixen Amanda and nutty Dr Kimberly tried to blow up the whole cast with a home-made bomb, but by that stage of the evening, we were prepared to take our kicks wherever we could get ‘em.

A nosey at the EPG revealed a further treat to come at 5.10am. Soothing brown titles. Mournful music. Rubbish sets. Yes, they were showing Sons and Daughters as well. Unforunately, we passed out long before it started.

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