Videos

Channel 4, demonic possession, Shipwrecked

"I was possessed on Shipwrecked!"

Video March 28, 2008 Paul Lang 1 Comment

There’s a new series of SHIPWRECKED coming soon on Channel 4 – great news for people who enjoy watching attractive young people marooned on a desert island, having arguments while not wearing very much.

It’s the usual deal – two tribes battle it out to trouser the £100,000 prize money, vying for the attention of new arrivals and running around getting off with each other.

If you simply can’t wait for it to appear on your telly, you can watch the opening show RIGHT NOW (yes, RIGHT NOW) at this website – the perfect opportunity to make snap judgements about who you like and dislike before your friends do.

We can’t help but worry about the emotional health of someone who finds themselves stranded on a desert island for five months once they return to the real world, so we caught up with lowculture forum member Rory, who appeared on Shipwrecked a couple of years ago, to see how he fared.

“I was possessed by a spirit on the island!”, he raved. “It used to be a leper colony where they were left to die. I was talking to my parents about it this week, and they agreed I haven’t been the same since.”

Blimey! And how has this sinister possession manifested itself?

“I started smoking more and became more promiscuous. Obviously the habits of a leper!”

Obviously.

lowculture.co.uk

"The most important things in the whole world"

Video January 25, 2008 Paul Lang 1 Comment

Nurse Dunkley writes: Lowculture is ace because it realises that the most important things in the whole world are fun entertainment things, and not in an annoying ironic way. It is very refreshing to find such discussion without phrases like “this is such a guilty pleasure”, “Susan Kennedy is a LEGEND”, or “how random” cropping up.

And that it is, in a nutshell. Thank you for reading, see you for the next five years.

Angela Thorne, Cruella De Ville, Gillian Taylforth, Michelle McManus, Peter Tatchell, To The Manor Born

Fuck Me Facts!

Video January 25, 2008 Paul Lang Leave a comment

Amazing things about January 25:
» It was on this unhappy day in 1994 that our old mate Gillian Taylforth faced financial ruin after losing a libel case against The Sun. The newspaper had accused her of getting up (or going down) to all sorts in a layby. She was so horrified at the outcome that she collapsed with shock and had to be rushed to hospital.
» Disney’s 101 Dalmatians went on general release on this day in 1960. Cruella De Ville remains a lowculture heroine to this day. We firmly believe that if a woman so fabulous had wanted those puppies, they should have been handed right over. In a big sack.
» On this day in 1999, MPs voted to lower the homosexual age of consent from 18 to 16.
» Michelle McManus was riding high at the top of the singles charts on this day in 2004 with her hit… erm… what was it called again?
» lowculture shares its birthday with Angela Thorne, aka Audrey’s mate out of To The Manor Born, and gay rights bloke Peter Tatchell. Happy birthday to both of you!

TV things you will only understand if you are Scottish

Video May 11, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

1. Dotaman

In which Donnie Macleod would prance around in a manner quite unbecoming a man of his age. Think Timmy Mallet with a beard, talking Gaelic, and singing ludicrous songs of his own devising. Unbelievaby, this is still on!

2. Glen Michael’s Cartoon Cavalcade

Freaky Sunday afternoon treat that was on just before Scotsport which showed only the very worst cartoons the animiation industry had to offer. Glen was usually aided by a funny little dog called Rusty and an old oil lamp called Paladin, which could speak in the barely-disguised voice of Glen Michael, and was always slagging him off. It had the best theme tune of any programme ever, even when STV tried to jazz it up in the late 80s with a series of ill-advised remixes. And you could write in with your birthday dedications.

3. The Untied Shoelaces Show

Because we got our summer holidays slightly earlier than the rest of the UK, we used to get special holiday tv programmes, of which this was the most notable. It was presented by ‘Tiger’ Tim Stevens, and always had a really boring magician or something. It was a blessed relief when the repeats of the Pink Pather and Heidi kicked in around August.

4. Thingamijig

Jack McLaughlan. In a kilt. Every Friday night. Pretending to have a barn dance in the STV studios in Cowcaddens. Hoots!

5. Now You See It

Johnny Beattie presented this ridiculous gameshow, which somehow managed to last for nine years.

The next instalment

Video May 5, 2003 Neil Moir 1 Comment

Forget Neo in the Matrix with all his kung fu tomfoolery. Wolverine and his fancy claws? Pah! A ream of A4 and a bottle of correction fluid are all that’s needed by lowculture’s favourite movie figure of the year.

Yes – Angela Lansbury is reprising the role of crime-solving mystery writer Jessica Fletcher for a new (tv) film set in Ireland.

The Celtic Riddle, based on a novel by Canadian author Lyn Hamilton, sees the 77-year-old visit the fictional village of Ballymure to solve the murder of whoever’s been unfortunate enough to be wandering round within a mile’s radius of her this time.

Okay, so it’s not so much “Ireland” as a set created by Universal Studios in Los Angeles, but Murder, She Wrote has long since astounded us with authentic Emerald Isle influences. The convincing “Oirish” accent of Sheriff Amos Tupper (Tom Bosley), for instance.*

Angela told today how she finds the character of Jessica both entertaining and annoying – and hints she could soon be vying for a change of role.

“She’s terribly nosey, and I want to say ‘why don’t you mind you’re own business and let someone else figure this one out?’” she says.

“I’m shocked that people don’t realised that Jessica Fletcher is another figment of my imagination, and a different person than I am, and I really can play other roles.”

So, what would you like to see as Angela’s next acting challenge? We fancy her taking on the role of an evil cyborg in the next Terminator movie. Let us know what you think by clicking on the comment box below.

To find out more about her new tv film, being broadcast in America this week, visit the CBS site here.

* “Well, oi jist cahn’t oonderstahnd ett, Miss Fletcher. Er, de-diddly-i-de-deedle-de.”

10 thoughts on the return of Dirty Den to EastEnders

Video May 3, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

1. This could be really good.

2. On the other hand, it could also be really bad.

3. OK, we didn’t ever see a body, but …

4. Didn’t they later fish one out of the river? Which Sharon identified?

5. Mind you, if we remember correctly, she could only identify him by a ring he was wearing, so it could have been anyone.

6. Well, possibly not anyone, but you know what we mean.

7. The guy who plays the ‘new’ Den Jr must be feeling a bit insecure today – after all, they are hardly likely to need two.

8. There is every likelihood that an episode of EastEnders will end with a scene set at night with a shadowy figure stepping out into the path of Sharon Watts and saying ‘Hello, princess.’

9. The producers of EastEnders will now be kicking themselves for killing Angie off last year.

10. Roll on September.

2013 UPDATE: It was quite bad. But Sharon was very good.

S Club: misery upon misery

Video April 25, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

We had only just managed to pick ourselves up and resume something close to a normal life following the shocking news of the impending S Club split when we suffered a major setback.

This came in the form of their farewell single, Say Goodbye, which is quite possibly the saddest song you will ever hear in your life. It was all we could do to stop ourselves rushing to the bathroom for the razor blades.

Our spies tell us that the video is even more depressing, so if you should chance upon it on TV this weekend, make sure you’re prepared to weep buckets (especially when Jo fades out right at the end).

Music

Seeing Double: The Novel

Video April 18, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

This week, lowculture acquired a review copy of the book version of S Club’s Seeing Double after winning a bout of unarmed combat with a colleague.

Needless to say, we’re delighted with our spoils, and have been dying to share it with you.

Our favourite bit so far is from page 19 (which, by an amazing coincidence, is also the first page it fell open on at random).

It goes:

Jon’s bedroom door banged open and he ran out, too. He waved a cricket bat in the air, his hair standing on end from sleep.

“Nobody move, I’ve got a weapon,” he yelled.

If you want to see Jon’s weapon on the big screen (and, frankly, who wouldn’t), get down to your local cinema and see the film – assuming you can get past the huge crowd demanding admission.

2013 UPDATE: Or just watch it on YouTube!

Music

Help Us, Mama

Video April 17, 2003 Paul Lang Leave a comment

Terrible news!

Lisa Harrison has left Lemonescent, Scotland’s self-styled ‘most successful girl group’.

Despite the band being at the height of their fame, with their most recent single, Help Me Mama reaching the coveted No.38 position in the charts, she’s jacked it all in for a solo career.

BUT! Lisa’s loss could be your tremendous gain, because they are looking for someone new to step effortlessly into her tartan mini skirt.

The replacement will, apparently, soon find herself in the studio working on songs for Lemonescent’s debut album.

2013 UPDATE: Well, who knows frankly!

Music

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring!

Video April 15, 2003 Paul Lang 1 Comment

This just happened:

lowculture: Hello?

David out of Triple 8: Hello. It’s David from Triple 8.

lowculture: Oh, ok.

David out of Triple 8: Have you been visiting our website? Are you a fan? Or did you go there by mistake?

lowculture: (Joking) Well, by mistake, obviously…

David out of Triple 8: Oh, OK then, bye.

(Click).

2013 UPDATE: It was not by mistake, obviously…

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