Thank you, ITV2, for giving us the splendidly trashy American Idol.

In a lot of ways, it reminds us of a bad photocopy of Pop Idol – not bad, just slightly fuzzy.

We were disappointed that they skipped over the audition process in just two hours – watching people with no talent being humiliated on TV is one of our favourite pastimes, so a bit more of that would have been welcome.

Of course, Simon Cowell is in his element telling all the poor, deluded Americans that they’re tone deaf and dressed like a hooker, but we have some worries about his fellow judges. Randy Jackson’s OK, but we can’t even look at Paula Abdul without the spectre of the Vibeology video looming large in our mind.

Lots of the contestants have the very annoying ‘Mariah syndrome’ (why sing just one note when you can sing 15 just to show how clever you are?), but they’re all bright, perky and have nice teeth, so that’s OK.

Our favourite, though, is Frenchie Davis, a woman who may as well have ‘ball-busting diva’ stamped on her forehead. We hope she wins.

2013 UPDATE: She did not win.

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