lowculture » Footballers Wives

RIP Jason?

Paul Lang — Thu, 27 Feb 2003 11:41:00 +0000

So, it’s all over, and Jason’s brains (such as they are) lie splattered across the cold, cold ground.

Yes, Footballers Wives has reached a chaotic conclusion that’s left us panting (yes, panting) for more.

It was Jason and Tanya’s night as she plotted to humiliate him at their wedding vow renewal ceremony, he plotted to smother baby Paddy, she told him he was a lying scumbag and he gave her a good slap for her trouble. Love it, love it, love it.

And even though we all knew he was going to get punted off the roof at the end, it was still glorious to watch.

Quote of the night – Jason to agent Hazel: “You’re a filthy dyke. You’re sacked.”

Anyway, we would like you to enthrall us with your plot ideas for series three. Click on the comment link below and go nuts.

The Saviour of TV

Paul Lang — Thu, 27 Feb 2003 11:21:00 +0000

If we had our way, multiple Heather Locklears would star in every programme on TV.

Her ability to save ailing shows with her very presence is legendary (Melrose Place, Spin City and even Scrubs, which was already a big hit, have all benefited from her majestic presence).

The good news is that she’s finally been given a show that’s hers from day one. She’s set to star in a new sitcom called Once Around the Park, in which she will play a divorced mother whose offspring are engaged in weekly machinations to prevent their parents reuniting.

While lowculture is glad that she’s going to be back on the box, we can’t help but feel sad that she will no longer be free to pop across to the UK to save some of our more tired shows. We would pay good money to see her as a scheming sister in Holby City, Phil Mitchell’s love interest in EastEnders or, best of all, a Footballer’s Wife.

2013 UPDATE: This show was never heard of again. I think I might have just made it up.

Special request

Paul Lang — Wed, 19 Feb 2003 12:33:00 +0000

lowculture reader Nikki, a big fan of Footballers Wives, writes:

“Please print pic of look on Jason and Jackie’s faces when lady doc told them wee Paddy was an ‘intersex’ baby – I laughed my tits off.”

Sadly, we couldn’t find a picture of that, but using the latest hi-tech methods (pointing our camera phone at the TV is fairly hi-tech, isn’t it?), we managed to get this shot from the moment where Jason announced that the baby couldn’t be intersex because: “It’s got a dick – I’ve seen it!”

Enjoy.

2013 UPDATE: As we are now LIVING IN THE FUTURE, you can watch the actual episode and not have to rely on my dreadful phone snap.

Reasons we like Footballers Wives

Paul Lang — Fri, 31 Jan 2003 11:44:00 +0000

They play harmonica music so you know when it’s supposed to be sad.
Gillian Taylforth.
Gratuitous arse shots.
Gripping, believable, well-acted storylines and high production values

(note: one of these is a lie)