When Carol Vorderman launched her scathing attack on an “anorexic transvestite” and “carthorse in a bin liner”, lowculture thought she was in negotiations with Lily Savage and Lisa Riley to host a new ITV quiz show.

But no! In an amazing pot-kettle-black situation, Carol took time out from actively reducing cholesterol to lay into the dress sense of blunt fashion gurus Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine.

The girls had shown their usual nerve in describing Countdown’s constant consonant carrier as a librarian turned sex goddess who “feels the need to show off as much as possible”. When their evidence is backed up with reference to Carol’s revealing Bafta dress of a few years ago (shudder), who can argue?

Well, Carol can, apparently. Despite the fact the piercing pair have done for fashion what vodka does to cranberry juice, the brainy brunette turned the tables and slagged off Susannah’s generous bum and Trinny’s somewhat stingier bosoms.

Where next for Carol and her newly-sharpened claws? Telling Richard Whiteley that he looks like a twat in his colourful ties, or jibing contestants with a poor grasp of the five times table that not only are they simple, their knitted jumpers looked better on the sheep’s corpse?