Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Re: construction
BEENY! Property Ladder, Channel 4, 8.00pm Labels: Channel 4, Property Ladder, TV
We've been hurt far too many times before, and we're not going to let it happen again: Channel 4 may be crowing about its new series of Property Ladder (and fair's fair, the house-that-Jack-built themed trailer is very cute), but our defences are well and truly up this time. We're not going to have our hearts stolen by promises of how it will all be different this time, how they truly respect us, how they only want to make us happy, only for it to end up the same way it always does: a handful of genuinely new episodes before the rest of the series is padded out with barely-concealed repeats with five minutes worth of previously unseen material tacked on to the end, leaving us with the sinking feeling that we've been led up the garden path. Again. Sigh.
It's not that we don't enjoy any opportunity to watch this show, of course - it's just that sometimes we wonder if we wouldn't rather hang on until there's enough material to make up a whole new series, even if it means that new series come around less often. After all, if we want to watch repeats, we can just flick over to More 4 and watch a whole row of them in one go - and at least then we're prepared to watch a repeat, rather than tuning in bright-eyed in the hope of seeing all new development fuckups, only to realise five minutes in that we've seen this one before. That way we'd really be able to get excited about a new series again, rather than thinking "oh, how nice. It's back again after about a three week absence."
However, we're not going to let this sudden attack of curmudgeonliness stand in the way of what is still good news: brand new episodes of Property Ladder, however small the quantity. There are few joys in this world greater than witnessing Sarah Beeny smile through clenched teeth as she listens to yet another prospective developer's hair-brained scheme about how ripping out the kitchen and replacing it with a home cinema system will raise the market value by 15%. And let's not forget the drinking game, where you take a swig every time Sarah's voiceover says "but I'm not so sure that's a good idea", and hope you can still stand by the time 9pm rolls around. God bless you, Dame Sarah, and your formidable bosom. As ever, you have the patience of a saint.
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Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Beeny round the world and I-I-I I can't find my baby
DEVELOPING! Property Ladder, Channel 4, 8.00pm Labels: Channel 4, Property Ladder, TV
Apologies for that utterly dreadful headline; it came to us out of nowhere and somehow we felt a spooky compulsion to use it. That's our only excuse. Anyway, Dame Sarah Beeny is back, even though it feels like she hasn't really been away. We've learnt not to get too excited by an alleged new series of Property Ladder because inevitably you only ever get about three new episodes before the rest of the series consists of "revisit" episodes with 95% recycled footage. But then, perhaps that's how they can make a new series as often as they do. If so, we're not complaining; a day of Beeny is a brighter day where we're concerned.
We are quite alarmed, however, that according to the listings in today's Radio Times, both of the featured couples in this show appear to take Sarah Beeny's advice. What? Do they not understand the point of this show? The whole idea is for them to go "we want to rip out the period features and replace them with this lovely stone cladding we found in a skip" while Dame Sarah sucks in her breath disapprovingly and suggests that this Might Not Be Such A Good Idea, only for them to completely ignore her and end up knocking £32,000 off the face value of the property (only to be rescued at the end by an infuriating rise in the market which lets the clueless sods make a profit despite utter incompetence).
Everybody seems to be interested in some sort of change-of-use project this week - one is converting a former Methodist church, while another is modelling a pub into a country home. Whatever the outcome, we're glad Sarah Beeny is back to doing what she does best, rather than fronting those dodgy How Toxic Are You? documentaries which didn't appear to contain any actual facts or useful information. Not her fault, of course; The Beeny can do no wrong in our eyes. But this is where she belongs.
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Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Sarah makes it better*
VALUE! Property Ladder, Channel 4, 8.00pm Labels: Channel 4, Property Ladder, TV
First of all: are the trails for the new series of Property Ladder not just the greatest things currently airing on British TV (and we include all of the programmes in that)? The idea of Sarah Beeny secretly breeding a load of highly skilled and merciless property developers who have the knowledge of how to make profit from property instilled into them from nursery age fills us with glee - and the fact that she seems to be pregnant again every time we turn around only adds fuel to this fire, frankly.
So! Here's a new nine-part series of the best property show on TV (as much as we love Phil and Kirstie, Sarah Beeny is in an entirely different league. Naomi Clever? Not quite. Amanda Lamb. Close, but no gazebo. Kevin McCloud? Not in this lifetime) and it makes sense to get in at the beginning, because the last handful of the nine episodes in this series will probably be those tarted up repeats with about five minutes' worth of new footage.
In this opening episode, Dame Sarah takes on two separate sets of developers who are hoping to bump up their kids' college funds by channeling it into property. And since the profit's needed for something important, clearly they're going to take the free advice of a seasoned property developer who's made a lot of money out of it and has her own TV show to prove it, right? Like fun they are, because that's the entire point of this show. We even heard a whisper that Dame Sarah gets owned by a teenager in this episode. Let's hope her famous diplomacy skills can see her through that one.
*Anyone commenting below correctly identifying the source of this song lyric gains our eternal admiration.
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