When I am through with you, there won't be anything left

ANSWERS! Damages, BBC One, 10.35pm

Finally, our hard work and dedication is going to be paid off. We hope. After thirteen heart-thumping, gut-wrenching, brain-scratching weeks, Damages reaches its climax tonight. Well, the climax of series one, but we have every faith they'll tie up at least most of the plot threads, or else we'll be tracking the writers down with spiky bookends.

This series, rubbish timeslot aside, has been one of our biggest loves of 2008. We loved the acting, the tension, the trying to figure out just what-the-hell-was-going-on. After last week, the mystery of who killed David was (solved (well, we think), but not the mystery of what will happen to Ellen, or of the grave Patty was visiting, or of what Katie Connor ACTUALLY knows, and of course, we don't know what the outcome of the whole case is going to be.

Glenn Close and Ted Danson have put in amazing performances as Patty Hewes and Ted Frobisher, and the supporting cast have been equally great. We could do without the Ellen storyline invoking The Devil Wears Prada quite so much, but hopefully that will all change for any future series.

We are very glad we stuck through this, and even more glad we managed to avoid spoilers from all our friends who sneakily got ahead of the game. Let's hope our perseverance pays off (and that any future series are scheduled more sensibly).

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Law and disorder

HARMAN! City of Vice, Channel 4, 9pm

City of Vice actually started last week, but passed us by a bit as we had other things to preview, starring Jane Asher. In fact, it's on at the same time as The Palace, so really you'll need to record it or watch it on C4+1 or 4OD.

The series is based in London, just prior to the development of the Metropolitan Police and stars Ian McDermid and Iain Glenn as the crime-fighting Fielding brothers. Tonight's episode also features the enticing (well, for some, we never really got the appeal) prospect of Nigel Harman gaying it up. He plays a transvestite rent boy and we see a glimpse of the gay scene in a time where you needed to hide your sexuality for fear of death. Although we make no promises of accuracy.

From the publicity shots of frocks and whatnot, however, we're guessing, that the show will emphasise the camp and melodramatic rather than the serious business of people being killed for who they fancy. Or maybe we're just a bit cynical.

Anyway, it's Channel 4 post-watershed, and they've been trailing the whole series as being full of sex and violence (ie a bit like a period Torchwood), so at the very least you're pretty much guaranteed lots of shots of young men with their tops of. Not that we'd suggest your average lowculture viewer has one thing in mind, or anything....

CHANGING! Damages, BBC1, 10:35pm

We know we only previewed Damages a fortnight ago, but we needed to bring it to your attention today because it has suddenly moved from a Sunday to a Monday.

We are slightly worried, because moving things around the schedules normally implies ratings failure and imminent death and we will be gutted if this fate befalls our new favourite series, especially before it gets to the end of its run.

So, we implore you to tune in now for the good of this rather marvellous show. If you haven't been watching so far, here's a quick recap. Glenn Close plays a lawyer taking on a case aganist Ted Danson, who apparently is a corrupt boss. Rose Byrne plays Glenn's new recruit, whose boyfriend's sister has witnessed an important meeting Ted was involved in that might sway the case.

The sister's dog got killed, apparently in a move to intimidate her. HOWEVER, it wasn't Ted's team that did this, but Glenn's. So basically, we don't have straightforward goodies and baddies. Oh, and the whole thing jumps about the timeline, so we are treated to glimpses from the future where Rose Byrne's character is arrested for the gruesome murder of her boyfriend with a very spiky Statue of Liberty bookend. But of course, she's innocent. Or is she...?

So now you're as up-to-date as we are, and there are no excuses for missing this one any longer...

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Sunday: the new black

MULTIPLE CHOICE! Lots of Shows, Lots of Channels, Lots of Times

Oh, the life of a member of team lowculture. You wait days for something interesting to write about, and then suddenly a whole bunch of shows come along at once. Tonight sees a veritable feats of LC-tastic telly, so much so that we're doing a bumper preview, the like of which hasn't been since here since, ooh, Christmas and New Year.

First off the blocks today (and possibly the most highly anticipated on the forums, not least for traditional sweepstake shenanigans) is Dancing on Ice, on ITV1 at 5:50 and 8:50pm. Much has been made of this appearing on a Saturday night, apparently too scared of The One and Only, but maybe ITV just thought if they slung this on the same night as TV Burp and Primeval, there'd be nothing left for the rest of the week.

Anyway, even if you haven't watched this before, exciting reasons to pay attention: 1) The judges have been joined by Ruthie Henshall, which gives this more credibility than it has ever had thus far; 2) The contestants include Suzanne Shaw, Tim Vincent, Samantha Mumba, Steve Backley and SARAH GREENE (who we wish could have done Strictly Come Dancing, but seeing as this teams her back up with Pip Schofield, we don't mind too much); 3) Some of the LC community have set up Bitching on Ice, a commentary blog, which will make it worth it even if the show itself proves to be less than ace.

After this (or rather, during the last ten minutes of filler), you should turn your attention to BBC1 at 7:40pm, where Lark Rise to Candleford continues the channel's current period drama obession. This is made all the more watchable because it features LC faves Liz Smith, Julia Sawhalha (fresh out of Cranford), Mark Heap, Dawn French, and, in a starring role, Olivia Hallinan. Frocks, hairdos and maybe even the odd bonnet - what more could you want on a Sunday night?

Well, you may be torn, because opposite this at 8pm on Channel 4 is the terrestrial premiere of The Phantom of the Opera. Addmittedly it's not all that great, and it shows up the flimsiness of the musical's plot in a way the stage version can almost camoflauge. But the songs! And after recent episodes of The X Factor and When Joseph Met Maria we will always now be replayng this in our heads with a starring cast of Lee Mead, Connie Fisher and Rhydian Roberts, something Andrew Lloyd Webber is no doubt working very hard to make happen as we speak.

And the TV goods keep on coming. On BBC2 at 9pm, we see the latest in Louis Theroux' occasional series of documentaries, Louis Theroux: Behind Bars. We have much enjoyed his recent documantaries on cults, gambling and liposuction, and his time in San Quentin prison promises to be just as entertaining, illuminating, challenging and heatbreaking. If you fancy something a little more cosy, then 9:20pm on ITV1 brings you the new series of Kingdom. We have never watched this, but it stars Stephen Fry, so it's probably a fairly safe bet. And if all you want is a bit of fairly average but occasionally amusing comedy, BBC3 brings you yet another series of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps at 9pm. We have never seen a full series of this, only ever the occasional episode on BBC3 when there was nothing else on, so our understanding of the show's timeline is completely skew-whiff. We expect to watch the new series in much the same manner.

Still not enough for you? Well, More4 repeats the surprisingly touching Half Ton Mum at 10pm, BBC1 screens episode 2 of Damages at 10:30pm, BBC2 features the opening weekend of Liverpool 08 at 10:45pm and Channel 4 has a profile of Robyn at 12:35am.

Never let it be said that you're not spoiled for choice, people.

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Close to me


LEGAL! Damages, BBC1, Time

Although there are several new shows on the horizon for the winter/spring season, most of them have yet to start, so today we're previewing something that, we must confess, we don't know an awful lot about.

BBC1's new imported serial Damages has apparently gone down well in the States (but don't they say that about every imported drama?). It is a legal drama (yes, we know) but the gimmick with this is in the shape of acclaimed actress Glenn Close who plays the firm's boss. Although the previews we've read repeatedly use the cliches of 'no-nonsense' and 'hard-headed' to describe Patty Hewes, Closes' character, we're hoping there's a bit more too it than that. after all, she doies a good unhinged, so hopefully a few episodes in ands Patty will be showing a few signs of falling apart at the seams.

The other thing that makes this notable is the presence of Ted Danson, who has probably done lots of serious acting, but we can only associate with Cheers and Three Men and a Baby/Little Lady, so we are slightly intrigued as to how his role will pan out.

Anyway, apparently this first episode features a bloody murder and it only gets more exhilirating from there. Or so the blurb says.

Whether this will prove to be a smart acquisition hidden away in an obscure slot, or a terrible waste of license-payers' money hidden away in an obscure slot, time will tell. But there isn't much else on tonight, so it's worth giving it a go to find out.

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Tiny things for you to watch:

Torchwood sock puppets.

SOMEWHERE in the world, even Nicki French is popular.

Terrifying Scottish man.

Historic Hollyoaks.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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La Vida Lowculture

Editor Paul has been watching Barefoot Contessa on UKTV Food: "I fucking hate her, yet I can't leave the room when she's on. Pure evil!" » not quite getting around to watching that new Futurama DVD: "Maybe at the weekend, eh?" » plotting a new member of the Lowculture family: "Nobody will have a clue what it's about, but I'm still doing it!"