Monday, March 17, 2008
Cooking up a storm
FOOD! Great British Menu, BBC Two, 6.30pm Labels: BBC Two, BBC2, Channel 4, food, Great British Menu, Hollyoaks, TV
Well, about bloody time. After all that schedule mucking about with Come Dine With Me and Masterchef, cookery finally returns to its rightful home of 6.30pm, with series three of Great British Menu. Whilst this series will never top the highlight of being a competition to prepare a feast for the Queen (and later being pwned by Her Maj on Monarchy: The Royal Family at Work), it is usually entertaining nonetheless.
The saga of Jake's descent continues tonight (remember when he was merely a loveable mother killer?) after Friday's suicide/child murder attempt. Is he dead, or like all bad horror movie villains, will he live to see another day? The horror movie angle Hollyoaks has adopted with this story has actually been quite effective, with several jumps and jolts along the way. What it has utterly failed to do, however, is treat mental illness or bereavement with any sympathy whatsoever. But this IS Hollyoaks so we don't know why we'd expect anything different.
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Friday, March 14, 2008
Good Sports
CHARITY! Sport Relief, BBC One, 7.00pm & 10.45pm and BBC Two, 10.00pm Labels: BBC One, BBC Two, BBC1, BBC2, charity, Jonathan Ross, Michael Parkinson, Sport Relief, Sport Relief Does The Apprentice, Strictly Come Dancing, top gear
What are your favourite TV charity marathon moments? This correspondent is torn. Would it be Comic Relief 1987 where she got to go to school dressed as a clown, which somehow meant being able to wear pyjamas, which was absolutely ace? Or ITV Telethon 1990 where Grimsby theatre group Stage One released a dreadful single, 'Power to the Pupils' in league with Jive Bunny that sold so badly every household in Grimsby ended up with at least three free copies? Or could it be Children in Need 1993 with the Doctor Who and EastEnders er, classic, crossover, Dimensions in Time? Or, you know, that time when Dawn French songged Hugh Grant? One thing it's not likely to be, though, is any Sport Relief moment.
We are veterans of the charity telly marathon here, and yet we cannot remember a single moment of any previous Sport Relief event. Other than David Walliams swimming the channel, which we are assuming was for Sport Relief. That doesn't mean we are against the idea of sport and charity collaborating. After all, we totally remember Sport Aid with its 'Everybody Wants to Run the World' theme tune. It just means this event has been less than memorable in the past.
Still, this year it seems they are pulling the stops out a bit with the telly extravaganza. Highlights include Jonathan Ross v Parky in a 'battle of the chat shows' (Wossy, obviously), Jimmy Carr hosting A Question of Sport Relief, the unlikely collaboration between Top Gear and the long dead Ground Force (that's the bit on BBC Two when the 'main' channel goes to the news), and, best of all, the climax of Sports Relief Does the Apprentice when one of the hapless men gets fired (our money is on Kelvin MacKenzie - Sralan doesn't seem so keen on former tabloid editors) and Sport Relief Does Strictly Come Dancing which includes Gemma Bissix (Dame Clare Devine/Bates) and Elaine Paige, although given that they would be in our dream line-up for Strictly proper, we have mixed feelings about them being here.
Anyway, lest we forget, this is all for a good cause - supporting a variety of projects in the UK and overseas. So don't forget to go and donate.
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Friday, March 07, 2008
All white now
CONTROVERSY! Last Orders, BBC Two, 9.00pm Labels: BBC Two, BBC2, Last Orders, White Girl, White Season
Last Orders is the first in BBC Two's White Season, a series of drama
s and documentaries over the next week that look at aspects of being white and working class in Britain. This topic could well prove controversial, and there has already been a lot of heated discussion about the season ahead of anything being shown. However, with it being the Beeb and all, we expect most of the programmes will be fairly sensitive and thoughtful rather than just inflammatory. (This correspondent is also very chuffed that it is scheduled the exact week her students are looking at race in the media. Result!)
This opener, directed by the man behind September 11 documentary The Falling Man, visits the members of a working men's club in Bradford, and the image of working men's clubs always conjures up memories of Phoenix Nights for us. Any mentions of black bin bags, garlic bread or Japanese alcohol free beer will thus require a DRINK!
The remainder of the season carries on most days this week, with programmes looking at Polish immigrants, a multiracial school in Birmingham, an exploration of Enoch Powell's controversial 'Rivers of Blood' speech, a visit to multicultural Barking and, perhaps the most intriguing, White Girl, a drama about a white girl in a mostly Muslim school, which is on Monday at 9.00pm.
We know it might all be a bit heavy going when you could just watch American Idol or Moving Wallpaper/Echo Beach instead, but never let it be said we don't offer you a diverse range of viewing options.
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Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Rimmer's Dinners
Labels: BBC Two, BBC2, Breaking into Tesco, Five, Five Life, food, Recipe for success, Simon Rimmer
CONTESCO! Breaking Into Tesco, Five Life, 9.00pm
So last week saw the finale of Masterchef (About which: Ha! Johnny made a chocolate fondant! Fool!) and new series of Celebrity Masterchef and Great British Menu are yet to begin. What, then, is telly doing to fill the foodie gap in our lives?
Well, apparently it is turning to one man, 'celebrity' (us neither) chef Simon Rimmer, who looks like the bizarre mutant lovechild of Richard O'Brien and Dominic Littlewood. This man is at the helm, of not, one, but two-count-em brand new foodie shows.
We know both of these series technically began last night (Breaking Into Tesco was on normal Five, as opposed to tonight's Five Life repeat), but as we didn't have much clue what they were about, we thought we'd wait till tonight to preview them.
Filling the gap left by The Weakest Link, which in turn is filling the gap left by Neighbours, we have Recipe for Success (and can we just remind the Beeb here that the proper allotted time for food shows is 6.30pm, not 5.15pm, or 8.30pm or anything else). This show is a bit like a low-budget version of LC-fave The Restaurant (so sadly no Maman Blanc here). Each night we see a couple trying to run a restaurant type affair and they get marked by the audience. The winning couple at the end of the week presumably go into some later stage (we kind of missed the details of the rules and the prize and all that gubbins). Anyway, it's not as classy as it's BBC stablemates (except Kitchen Criminals, it's probably a bit classier than that. Sorry Angela) but it's a bit of fun and worth tuning into if you watch Neighbours at lunchtime. Or in the evening. Or the middle of the night. Or the omnibus.
The other new show, Breaking into Tesco is actually the more exciting prospect of the two. If you can try to stomach the elements of it that feel like an extended advert for our supermarket overlords, it's actually a warm, interesting and quirky little show. The premise is that four contestants each week design a dish that they hope to get on the shelves of THAT shop. They go through various rounds, including an audience taste test, a supermarket tasting panel and a pitch to the store's product team. Along the way some of them get elimated until the last one standing goes through to a final where the winner will get their product made.
It sounds a little dull, but it genuinely isn't. It combines the competitive elements of The Apprentice with the crazy contestants of Come Dine With Me, the wacky innovations of Dragon's Den, and a little bit of Schools-programme style education. In other words, it's proper lowculture fare.
Tonight's contestants are Jolly Jenny, with her Lancashire foot (a hot pot in a pasty, basically), desperate Danni with her gluten-free-egg-free-sugar-free muffins, Jovial Jenny (#2) with her Malaysian noodle soup and Passionate Paul with his, er, cherry ravioli.
We know who wins, obviously, but they are all television gold. The only problem is that the trailer for next week basically gives away who gets to which stage of the contest, which is blatantly rubbish. Sort it out, Five. You don't get that sort of behaviour on Masterchef.
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Thursday, February 28, 2008
It doesn't get any tougher than this...
POSSIBLE SWIZZ! Masterchef Final, BBC Two, 8.00pm Labels: BBC Two, BBC2, food, Masterchef, TV
Oh Masterchef, we love you very much. We love the calamitous chocolate fondants. We love the wacky chefs who combine turnips with popping candy (we may exaggerate, but only a touch). We love the way Gregg makes that 'oooarrrgh' noise when he tastes a good pudding. We don't love the voiceover, but we'll let that pass for now. However, we have a very rocky relationship with your finals. We don't like to criticise; after all, you provide us with eight weeks of quality lead-up every year. But the climax of these eight weeks is, shall we say, a little less than satisfying.
Basically, John and Gregg always pick the WRONG PERSON, leaving such worthy contenders such as The Lovely Dean and The Lovely Hannah by the wayside in favour of the 'least likely to' out of the three finalists. Don't believe us? Check out the amount of complaints there were to the BBC (well, a few people wrote to Points of View, anyway) after the travesty of the 2006 final. And don't get us started on Matt Dawson smugging his way to winning Celebrity Masterchef that year. We don't forgive easily, so we approach tonight's final with a great deal of trepidation.
After a week of watching them mostly be a bit rubbish and occasionally be a bit awesome at various catering tasks, tonight our three finalists will be going to France in the first half, to work in 'some of the best restaurants in the world', then no doubt retuning to the Masterchef kitchen 'for one final challenge'. The decision, we can be sure John and Gregg will tell us, will be tougher than ever.
So who will win? For the uninitiated, Emily (aka 'Mud Pie Girl') is clearly the star of the show. She is cute, bubbly and creates all kinds of mad but tasty food. Gregg and John think she is awesome. She won't win. We like her, she is young, she is a woman and she has been fairly competent throughout. This will all count against her. (We know a woman allegedly won in 2005, but we didn't see that series, so we refuse to believe it).
Then we have James (aka 'Sideshow Bob'). We took an instant dislike to him in the first two rounds he was in, because he was so smug and smarmy (In later rounds he has actually proved to be quite a nice bloke but let's not let that get in the way of our initial snap judgements, eh?). We predicted from the start he'd probably win, but will he? We doubt it. He has been mostly competent and capable all the way through, and as we all know, it's the people that mess up all the way through and have a good final that win.
Our final, er, finalist is Johnny (aka 'Johnny'). A nice bloke, who has had the odd flash of genius, Johnny has still managed to make more mistakes than the others, receive less praise from Gregg and John in the early rounds than the others, but he is a bit older, he is a bloke and he has no doubt been on a 'journey'. Therefore, we predict Johnny will win.
Unless he attempts a chocolate fondant.
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Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Armageddon out of here
QUIRKY! Wonderland, BBC2, 9:50pm Labels: BBC2, Wonderland
Wonderland has been an interesting little documentary series so far from what we have seen of it. We can't say we have watched all of the episodes in the series, but we do like its quirky subject matter. We presume 'quirky is the running theme of this series of documentaries, as we can't see any other common thread there.
Tonight's episode is called 'The End of the World Bus Tour'. Tour rep Sharon provides ten-day tours to Israel with a speciality for those who believe Armageddon is upon us. The documentary follows one such group.
In the last year alone we have seen Louis Theroux meets... the most hated family in America, Keith Allen meets... the exact same people, The End of the World Cult and the upcoming Baby Bible Bashers (Thursday, 9pm, C4). You would think there couldn't be any more tales of extremist American (we're assuming most of tonight's subjects are American, as that is what the trailer has led us to believe) religious types to tell, but apparently not.
What seems to set this documentary apart from all the others is the focus on the tourism aspect of the trip to Israel, and the fact that Wonderland tends to take a slightly more unique (read: less patronising) angle than other similar documentaries.
Even so, documentary makers, take note, this theme is getting a little old. We understand extreme beliefs make for good telly (and on that note we also don't need to see any more shows on 'present-day Nazis' for a good five years now) but you need to vary your subject matter. Why not branch out and do a whole series on people who have an extreme belief in the values of, say, Echo Beach? Now that would be interesting...
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Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Rhys Lightning
MEATY! Torchwood, BBC2, 9pm
Three episodes down and, thankfully, the rumours have been true so far: Torchwood keeps getting better. One thing it hasn't yet addressed, however, is Gwen's persistent wanderlust. She clearly isn't all that bothered about being with Rhys, other than that the relationship with him brings some stability to her life. And possibly helps her smug it over the others a bit. Last series we at least got to see him sometimes, though. This year he's been just featured in tiny glimpses, presumably as a metaphor for him moving to the periphery of Gwen's life, even if they are 'engaged'.
This is all a shame. We like Rhys. We think it would improve Gwen's character, too, if she was clearly in love with him, didn't keep flirting (and sometimes sleeping) with other men (and women) and if she was happy to maintain a life outside of Torchwood as well as her work life. It would add a little depth to the emotional side of the show and perhaps also challenge the others and their 'ZOMG! TORCHWOOD IS MAI TOTAL LYFE' attitudes, too.
We like Rhys. We also like Policeman Andy, Gwen's former colleague. A show like this needs its anchors to the rest of the world. Whilst Andy often represents the somewhat cynical voice of the viewer, Rhys fulfils the vital function (according to one of our most sci-fi geeky friends) of being the show's 'jock' character - and we mean jock in the butch blokey kind of way, not the slightly offensive term for Scottish way, because we must not forget that this is a WELSH show set in CARDIFF after all.
So how do we greet the news that tonight's episode is quite Rhys-centric? Well, with trepidation, if we're honest, even though we are pleased the character is finally getting some attention. Apparently tonight's episode sees Rhys find out about Torchwood. But he's done that before and had it all drugged out of him afterwards, so who's to say that won't happen again? We also wonder if someone might die this series, because someone always dies in long-running series eventually. We can't help but think that if Rhys finds out about Torchwood it might signal the beginning of the end for him. And if that happens, we will not be happy at all.
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Monday, February 04, 2008
So, when's series 2 then?
RAUCOUS! Pulling, BBC2, 10pm
Regular readers will notice that several of your front page team (well, Steve and Rad mainly) have a slight obsession with Pulling, or, to be more precise, trying to find out when the fabled second series is going to start (we have heard there is going to be one, just no details of when). But perhaps its first showing on BBC2 indicates series 2 is one step closer. We can dream, anyway.
For those of you foolish enough to miss this on BBC3, you must tune in to it this time around. Alongside Gavin and Stacey it proves that the channel is still capable of churning out great quality comedy with loveable characters (Unlike the sweet Gavin and Stacey though, the humour of Pulling is pitch black throughout). Or at least that it was. We are utterly terrified by the prospect of the channel's revamp, as everything we have seen in the trailers looks rubbish.
Pulling centres around the love lives and other antics of three friends: Donna, the 'heart' of the show, played by Sharon Horgan, who dumps boyfriend Carl at the start of the series; Louise, played by Rebekah Staton, who initially seems to be the 'spare part' (see also Louise in Two Pints.... What IS it with that name?) but is actually very funny and may well be your favourite by the end of the series; and the 'real' star of the show, Karen, played by Tanya Franks (Renie in EastEnders). Karen is our kind of character: bold, brash, lewd, irresponsible, cutting and very funny.
We can pretty much guarantee they will be your new telly best friends within a couple of episodes, and that, like us, you will soon be clamouring for the fabled series 2....
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Friday, February 01, 2008
Box of Delights
The life of being a previewer for your favourite website is not easy, you know. Sometimes we look at the next week's TV listings, full of despair because there is nothing good to talk about that we haven't already previewed. And yet like buses, the law seems to be that you wait for ages for something exciting to come along, then it all comes along at once. Tonight sees such a ridiculous embarrassment of riches on the box that Steve and Rad needed to collaborate together (in a move that hasn't been seen since, oooh, Christmas) to get it all in. So get a cup of tea and a biccy and plan your evening with us.... Labels: Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong, BBC1, BBC2, Channel 4, EastEnders, Hey Paula, ITV2, jam and jerusalem, Later..., Myleene Klass, Paula Abdul, The Choir, The Law of the Playground, TV
RETURNING! EastEnders, BBC1, 8pm
It's good to see that Gemma Bissix's lucrative career of playing scheming bitches called Clare didn't end when she finally bowed out from Hollyoaks last year (and boy, does the show miss her. It's never the same without a good villain, and no, Jake Dean certainly does not count), as she reappears tonight in the TV alter ego we all knew before Clare Devine ever set foot in Chester: Clare Bates (née Tyler), in EastEnders on BBC1 at 8.00pm. Having been last seen as a rosy-cheeked schoolgirl heading off to Scotland with adoptive dad Nigel, she makes her entrance tonight in fine style - being thrown out of a car while wearing a skimpy dress and not looking not wholly unlike archetypal soap bitch-with-a-soft-centre Izzy Hoyland. Clare quickly reconnects with Dot, who's in dire need of a project at the moment, and then sets her sights on Ian, as everyone in the Square eventually does. Seriously, even the gays are going to be after him in a couple of weeks. When will this madness end?
ENDING! Jam and Jerusalem, BBC1, 8:30pm
We know that this series is never going to go down in the comedy annals in the same way that Absolutely Fabulous or The Vicar of Dibley have. However, we still love it, and it's a darn sight better than recent episodes of French and Saunders. This gentle, warm and still pretty darn funny series ends tonight when we see whether Tash will marry Spike. We'd like to see a Jam and Jerusalem wedding, so let's hope she says yes, eh?
SINGING! The Choir: Boys Don't Sing, BBC2, 9pm
We loved The Choir last year and we're very pleased to see it back. For the uninitiated amongst you, the series featured loveable, geeky and slightly hot choirmaster Gareth Malone (who has a touch of the Tennant about him, we think) in his attempts to transform a bunch of inner-city 'yoofs' into a choir to sing at the World Choir Olympics (if only they would integrate that into the ACTUAL Olympics, we would be so into that). This year, he's trying to repeat the same trick, only the 2008 twist is that it's an all-boys choir and they're competing in something at the Albert Hall instead. So there's a few echoes of The History Boys there, too. Only, we hope, without all the slightly creepy sexual undertones. This is your standard life-affirming fare, but none the worse for it.
JAW-DROPPING! Hey Paula!, ITV2, 10pm
Someone over at ITV2 has clearly broken into our top-secret personal diary, the one where we write our topmost secret telly wishes. While they couldn't quite see fit to give us "The Paula Abdul and Janice Dickinson Crazy Medicated Bitch Channel", they've done the next best thing, and got hold of Paula's very own reality show Hey Paula! to play directly after American Idol at 10.00pm. It doesn't take a genius to guess that the Paula in this show is Idol Paula, with the car-crash level upped by a factor of 20, so it will either be the greatest programme ever or the absolute worst. Possibly it will somehow manage to be both at once, thereby snapping the space-time continuum cleanly in two and killing us all where we stand. But let's hope not, eh?
COMPETING! Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong, Channel 4, 10pm
If you're not a Paula Abdul fan, get the hell out of here and never come back. Sorry, that should read: "why not try Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong on Channel 4 at 10.00pm instead?" - our mistake. We've read an interview with Alan Carr, seen a few trailers and looked at the listings, and yet we're still not really sure how on earth this show works, except that it pits celebrities versus civilians (no doubt inspired by Liz Hurley's famous clanger about the vast chasm between the two species) in a series of zany questions. It's got legs, certainly, but we'll wait until after the first episode before our final judgement.
REMINISCING! The Law of the Playground, Channel 4, 10:30pm
There was a time at the end of the last decade and the start of this one when you couldn't turn on your telly without a bunch of talking heads babbling on about the wonders of growing up in the 70s and 80s. Which was fine, because we all know that any conversation between 20 or 30 somethings always turns to the things of our childhood in the end. But there are only so many conversations you can have about all things retro before you get all meta and starthaving retrospectives of the retrospectives and the aforementioned space-time continuum comes and gets us. So what we are trying to say is that we are quite surprised to seeThe Law of the Playground returning for a second series. Perhaps Channel 4 decided it had been long enough without a nostalgia-fest that they could get away with it (or perhaps they were just desperate for some cheap filler whilst they wait for new episodes of Ugly Betty). The usual suspects are here: Justin Lee Collins, Vic Reeves, and, ooh, look who it is! Myleene Klass! Who'da thunk it, eh?
JAMMING! Later...200, BBC2, 11:35pm
The institution that is Later... With Jools Holland returns for a new series, and kicks off with its 200th episode. Although there is often a bit too much boogie-woogie jamming for our liking, the series is always guaranteed to pull off a few corkers from established artsists and is renowned for launching some great talent to boot. Tonight the big draw is a set from Radiohead, but there are other goodies to be had as well, including Cat Power, Dionne Warwick, Mary J Blige and Feist, a booking that will make at least one lowculture user very happy indeed.
So there you have it. Phew. We're going for a nice lie down now.
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Wednesday, January 30, 2008
World of Wonder
Labels: BBC2, Channel 4, Kylie Minogue, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, Wonderland
COOKERY! Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA, Channel 4, 10pm,
KY-ER-LIE! Kylie Video Exclusive, Chanel 4, 11:05pm
We have a sumptuous three course meal for you tonight. People of lowculture, don't say we don't spoil you.
Our appetiser is Wonderland which looks at couples who have formed relationships through Second Life. We're impressed they managed to use that thing at all. We tried it once and couldn't get our heads round it. Although it probably won't be as jaw dropping as My Fake Baby, it could still be intriguing enough to get the chat room fired up, and, if enough alcohol is consumed, maybe even launching an LC group in Second Life that will last, oooh, all of a week til everyone gets bored.
Your main course this evening is Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA. Whilst the show has become incredibly formulaic in the UK, the American version is an altogether more tantalising prospect. The two episodes shown thus far have featured some explosive characters, which has been nice, although the film style camerawork means the full horror of the grotty kitchens is less vivid than the UK version. Which is perhaps no bad thing as we have had to leave meals whilst watching Kitchen Nightmares in the past, so disgusted were we. Tonight's episode sees a restaurant in Long Island that has a debt of $1 million. Ouch.
For dessert tonight, Channel 4 have a very special treat for you. Tucked away after Gordon is the VIDEO EXCLUSIVE! for Kylie's 'Wow' (We'll ignore the fact that it has already leaked on the net). When this was announced as the second single, it caused, well, some ripples. Members of the forum were crying over this being favoured instead of 'In My Arms', 'The One' and 'No More Rain'. However, people have finally been just about won over by it, with Camden Pirate declairing it just about the best thing to ever be played in a nightclub.
It also seems a very long time ago since she performed this on The X Factor and it got added to the playlists of radio stations around the country (which it was). It has been on the chart on downloads alone for several weeks. And it still isn't released as a physical single yet. We only hope all this pre-promotion will give Kylie a bigger hit than 'Two Hearts' and won't backfire because everyone is already sick of the tune.
By the way, 'In My Arms' is the single in other parts of the world, and we thought you might like to see this video while you wait. Even if, as Nurse Dunkley pointed out that 'It's ok, but is let down in parts by Kylie wearing Roisin Murphy's old (and quite hideous) dress, along with the bits where Kylie was probably off playing cards or something and they had to get Gina G in to cover for her'.
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Saturday, January 19, 2008
Johnny be Good
Labels: BBC2, johnny depp, the culture show, tim burton
LAVERNE! The Culture Show, BBC2, 7:20pm
There really isn't much happening tonight that we haven't previewed in recent weeks. So thank goodness, then, for a 'new series' (surely it was only a few weeks since the last one finished?) of The Culture Show. We do like this show, which manages to marry lowculture and highculture most successfully, and always teaches us something we didn't know before.
Lauren Laverne is back hosting, following the shortest maternity leave since Myleene's, and still shows no signs of reforming Kenickie (for shame). She's a nice, warm, funny, engaging host for this, even if we do kind of prefer Verity Sharp. Still, as long as the annoying Zina Saro-Wiwa never gets the main gig, we'll be happy. Mark Kermode also returns, and we are intrigued to see whether his quiff can get even higher.
Tonight's episode features Sons and Daughters, Toby Young, Simon Pegg, The Coen Brothers, Chris Rock, a little architecture piece and, the key selling point (for us anyway), Johnny Depp AND Tim Burton, who will be talking about Sweeney Todd, a film that has had the forum users squeeing for months.
If you fancy cleansing your brain after The One and Only, then this could be just the ticket. We can pretty much guarantee no terrible Kylie imitators who sing the songs incorrectly will be featured.
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Wednesday, January 16, 2008
An important announcement from the Cardiff tourist board
NEW! IMPROVED? Torchwood, BBC2, 9pm
Yes, that's right, our favourite Cardiff-based alien-hunting bisexuals are back! Now, we are actually quite excted about the return of Torchwood. Contrary to popular opinion, we didn't think series 1 was all that bad. Well, it was in parts, but some parts of it were really good. What it suffered from was complete inconsistency. And a not-altogether-likeable bunch of main characters (except Suzie. We loved Suzie). And the fact that it wasn't a patch on Doctor Who. Then The Sarah Jane Adventures came along and blew it out of the water.
However, the portents for series two of this Cardiff-set drama are pretty good. Apparently the team behind it decided to pull their socks up and rectify all the things that were so wrong first time around. So we've been promised less angst, more likeable characters, more engaging storylines, more Cardiff and even some humour. The post watershed edited repeat (startng next week) means that the violence, sex and swearing will be minimised and so it will hopefully feel a little bit less like late-night Hollyoaks (ZOMG! WE IZ CAN DO SWEARING AN STUFF. IN CARDIFF) and more like a proper good sci-fi drama romp. In Cardiff. We are also ultra, ultra excited by the prospect of Dame Martha Jones turning up halfway and being fierce.
Episode one sees the arrival in Cardiff of another time-travelling sexual terrorist time agent in the form of Captain John, who is played, excitingly, by James Marsters. Whilst he may seem a bit exciting to be visiting Cardiff, apparently Torchwood went down well in the USA, so we get some proper exciting guest stars this series, in the form of Marsters, Jim Robinson (sorry Alan Dale, but that's all you'll ever be in this country) and, bizarrely enough, Richard Briers. And we're sure the Cardiff skyline will play an important role, too. And though we haven't heard any rumours to support our theory, don't be surprised if Myleene Klass turns up. Just so that Barrowman doesn't get all the limelight.
Anyway. Things we would like to see in this series include Martha being uber-fierce, Captain Jack actually shagging an alien (all the pre-show publicity was like 'oh Captain Jack, he'll shag anyone or anything, but all we have seen so far is him snogging men and women! How vanilla!), the return of Suzie, some properly scary enemies, Rhys growing some balls, Owen facing up to being a Weevil-baiting 'good' rapist (TM Hollyoaks) who almost ended the world by chasing after a woman WHO DUMPED HIM, a kick-ass finale, preferably featuring Suzie, and some more of Tosh and Ianto. And Cardiff, of course.
Things we would like not to see include Owen (or anyone) shagging Martha, Owen shagging Gwen, Owen shagging Jack, Owen shagging Ianto, Owen shagging Toshiko, Owen shagging Suzie's corpse, Owen shagging Captain John, Owen shagging Jim Robinson, Owen shagging alien/guest character of the week, the return of that rubbish demon baddie thing that ruined the finale, a return to Countrycide village, Owen shagging Richard Briers.
Every source we have read or heard (including our own beloved leader Paul) says episode one of this new series of the Cardiff-based show is a triumph. So let's just hope the rest of it carries on in that vein, eh?
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Sunday, January 13, 2008
Sunday: the new black
MULTIPLE CHOICE! Lots of Shows, Lots of Channels, Lots of Times Labels: BBC1, BBC2, BBC3, Channel 4, Damages, Dancing on Ice, Half Ton Mum, ITV1, Kingdom, Lark Rise, Liverpool 08, Louis Theroux, Phantom of the Opera, Robyn, Two Pints
Oh, the life of a member of team lowculture. You wait days for something interesting to write about, and then suddenly a whole bunch of shows come along at once. Tonight sees a veritable feats of LC-tastic telly, so much so that we're doing a bumper preview, the like of which hasn't been since here since, ooh, Christmas and New Year.
First off the blocks today (and possibly the most highly anticipated on the forums, not least for traditional sweepstake shenanigans) is Dancing on Ice, on ITV1 at 5:50 and 8:50pm. Much has been made of this appearing on a Saturday night, apparently too scared of The One and Only, but maybe ITV just thought if they slung this on the same night as TV Burp and Primeval, there'd be nothing left for the rest of the week.
Anyway, even if you haven't watched this before, exciting reasons to pay attention: 1) The judges have been joined by Ruthie Henshall, which gives this more credibility than it has ever had thus far; 2) The contestants include Suzanne Shaw, Tim Vincent, Samantha Mumba, Steve Backley and SARAH GREENE (who we wish could have done Strictly Come Dancing, but seeing as this teams her back up with Pip Schofield, we don't mind too much); 3) Some of the LC community have set up Bitching on Ice, a commentary blog, which will make it worth it even if the show itself proves to be less than ace.
After this (or rather, during the last ten minutes of filler), you should turn your attention to BBC1 at 7:40pm, where Lark Rise to Candleford continues the channel's current period drama obession. This is made all the more watchable because it features LC faves Liz Smith, Julia Sawhalha (fresh out of Cranford), Mark Heap, Dawn French, and, in a starring role, Olivia Hallinan. Frocks, hairdos and maybe even the odd bonnet - what more could you want on a Sunday night?
Well, you may be torn, because opposite this at 8pm on Channel 4 is the terrestrial premiere of The Phantom of the Opera. Addmittedly it's not all that great, and it shows up the flimsiness of the musical's plot in a way the stage version can almost camoflauge. But the songs! And after recent episodes of The X Factor and When Joseph Met Maria we will always now be replayng this in our heads with a starring cast of Lee Mead, Connie Fisher and Rhydian Roberts, something Andrew Lloyd Webber is no doubt working very hard to make happen as we speak.
And the TV goods keep on coming. On BBC2 at 9pm, we see the latest in Louis Theroux' occasional series of documentaries, Louis Theroux: Behind Bars. We have much enjoyed his recent documantaries on cults, gambling and liposuction, and his time in San Quentin prison promises to be just as entertaining, illuminating, challenging and heatbreaking. If you fancy something a little more cosy, then 9:20pm on ITV1 brings you the new series of Kingdom. We have never watched this, but it stars Stephen Fry, so it's probably a fairly safe bet. And if all you want is a bit of fairly average but occasionally amusing comedy, BBC3 brings you yet another series of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps at 9pm. We have never seen a full series of this, only ever the occasional episode on BBC3 when there was nothing else on, so our understanding of the show's timeline is completely skew-whiff. We expect to watch the new series in much the same manner.
Still not enough for you? Well, More4 repeats the surprisingly touching Half Ton Mum at 10pm, BBC1 screens episode 2 of Damages at 10:30pm, BBC2 features the opening weekend of Liverpool 08 at 10:45pm and Channel 4 has a profile of Robyn at 12:35am.
Never let it be said that you're not spoiled for choice, people.
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Monday, January 07, 2008
Masterchef, no longer large
Labels: BBC2, cookery, Masterchef
COMPETITIVE! Masterchef, BBC2, 8:30pm
Now, let's just say this once and for all, the proper time for this, and all cookery programmes is 6:30pm. This moving about the schedules business (see also: Come Dine With Me) is just messing with our whole routine. Also: please note, this new series is on daily at this time, except that this week there's some sporty thing on Friday, so Thursday sees a double bill, starting at 8pm. We wouldn't want you to miss out.
Right, rant over. When we saw this billed in the TV listings as Masterchef, we were intrigued, and a litle excited. Was this a return to 'traditional' Masterchef, and did it mean that we would be spoiled with three series this year: normal, Masterchef Goes Large and Celebrity Masterchef? Sadly, the Radio Times seems to think this is actually the series formerly known as Masterchef Goes Large, with a mere name change. To which: boo. We demand three series a year.
Anyway, for the uninitiated, the show sees judges John Torode and Gregg Wallace judging a bunch of the promising and the hapless for several week, giving the contestants a variety of challenges (and there is always one contestant they like, one they hate and two they can't decide between) until eventually they pick the winner, who is always the finalist we think is least deserving. But despite its formula being as predictable as Dragon's Den, it remains entertaining because of the contestants and the mixture of bizarre and sublime dishes they come up with.
Our fingers are crossed, however, that this move into primetime has seen the predictable voiceovers of 'dinner party cook, home cook, experimental cook' etc replaced by the sarky voiceover man from Come Dine With Me who accuses the participants of being murderers and so on. We can dream.
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Friday, January 04, 2008
And did those feet in ancient times
AGAIN! Jam and Jerusalem, BBC1, 8:30pm Labels: BBC1, BBC2, Extreme Pilgrim, jam and jerusalem
BORN AGAIN! Extreme Pilgrim, BBC2, 9pm
The Christmas and New Year season tends to mess with our ideas of time. We completely lose track of what day of the week it is (it's Friday) and the TV schedulers only add to our confusion by scheduling programmes on any old day. Case in point, the new series of Jam and Jerusalem. Now it may only seem like, ooh, three days ago, that we were plugging the first episode. And it was. But here is the second one already. However, this Friday 8:30 timeslot is apparently its regular home. We thought you should know. Never let it be said we don't have any public service concerns.
With the US writer's strike going on, and much of the new season of programmes yet to kick in, there really isn't a lot to commend to you on the box tonight. So our recommendation has to be Extreme Pilgrim. In this three part series, TV vicar Pete Owen Jones, who resembles the lovechild of Tom-Baker-era-Doctor-Who and Jonathan Creek, investigates various spiritual practices from around the world. It's probably very similar to The Beginner's Guide To... series that Channel 4 do, only more educational and serious no doubt.
Anyway, tonight he goes and visits some Buddhist Shaolin monks. And if film has taught us anything at all, it's that Shaolin monks are kick-ass martial artists. So whilst we expect Owen-Jones to have a go at adopting a Buddhist diet, chanting, meditating and all that jazz, we are also hoping he learns some fighting skills. In the name of public service and education, of course.
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Sunday, December 23, 2007
Shut up and Drive
Labels: BBC2, evel knievel, james may, jeremy clarkson, my sisters top toys, richard hammond, top gear
VROOM! Top Gear Night In, BBC2, 7pm
Just before we go on: WOO! Thank goodness last night's result was better than last week's. Go Alesha and Matthew. Woo!
Anyway. We haven't mentioned this series of Top Gear much, but that's not because we are a bunch of gays and girls. Well, OK, we are (mostly), but we refuse to be categorised in nasty stereotypical ways. We can appreciate this programme as much as anyone. No, the reasons we haven't bothered with it are a) we only recently started doing Sunday updates and b) this series hasn't been as good as the last couple.
OK, so Simon Cowell smugging his way to the top of the 'Star in a Resonably Priced Car' was fun, as was Jennifer Saunders coming within a milisecond of stealing the title. Some of the challenges were fun, too, but not anything to compare with the limo task of yore. And the cars were... umm... cars.
Anyway, to mark the end of the series, BBC2 have scheduled comletely unrelated shows featuring Hammond and May (and a repeat with Clarkson in) around the final episode and made it a theme night.
First, and most excitingly, we haveJames May: My Sisters' Top Toys at 7pm, which we are very happy about because we might see some of the toys we used to play with: Major Morgan! Spirograph! That treehouse thing! (which he blows up). Sod the cars, this is where it's at.
At 8pm, we have the finale of Top Gear itself, with David Tennant taking the 'star in the reasonably priced car' challenge. There is also some car stuff, yadayadayada, and the Top Gear awards.
9pm brings us Richard Hammond Meets Evel Knievel (and there is a film, Viva Knievel! at 11:30pm). In this, Hammond meets his childhood hero, not long before his death earlier this year. Apparently this is a moving portrait that is of interest to people who don't just care about motorcycle stunts. But it's probably even more interesting if you do.
As for Clarkson, he didn't do an interesting one-off doc, so there's just an episode of Have I Got Old News For You, at 10pm, but if you haven't been watching Dave obsessively, it maybe a few months since you last saw this.
Oh, and in case we didn't mention it before: YAY for team Alesha victory!!!
Join us tomorrow for a bumper festive edition... bet you can't wait.
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Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I'm gonna milk me a reindeer
Labels: BBC2, christmas, cookery, Heston Blumenthal
FESTIVE FAYRE! Heston Blumenthal's Perfect Christmas, BBC2, 8pm
This Christmas special features Heston cooking for six celebs (Terry Wogan, Richard E Grant, Rob Brydon, Sue Perkins, Dara O'Brian and Kirsty Walk, should that influence you), in a location we can only presume is Narnia (no sign of Mr Tumnus though... hmmmm... what IS the meat they will be eating?)
We are promised a menu including reindeer milk ice-cream, mulled wine that is both hot AND cold in the same glass, sugar baubles with salmon mousse, something called babe in a manger, which is, ahem, communion wafer sprayed with the aroma of freshly accompanied by sherbet fountains (!) and stock cubes served in gold, frankincense and myrrh.
We don't know if he'd win Come Dine With Me with a menu like that, but it's certainly worth a gander...
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Wednesday, December 05, 2007
And then a hero comes along
ENDING! Heroes, BBC2, 9.00pm
If there's one thing we've learned from this series, it's that no matter how powerless you feel as an individual, great things can be accomplished if we can only all learn to work together. With that in mind, RAD and I decided to pay homage to this show's ethos by collaborating on a feature-length entry for this show's concluding double-bill tonight. (You might want to have a cup of tea and a biscuit on hand before you tackle it, seriously. We got a bit carried away.) Now all we need is a pithy catchphrase to accompany our endeavours. Something like "save lowculture, save the world", but one that actually makes sense.
So: if you've been watching, however inattentively, you can't have failed to notice that everyone's quite worried about the prospect of a radioactive explosion in New York that wipes out the entire city. (Everyone except Mr Linderman, who seems to think this is acceptable collateral damage to get Nathan into the White House). The big question is, of course, who will be responsible for it? Will it be Ted? Peter? Sylar? Someone else? We know, obviously, but we're not telling [You do, I don't - RAD]. Of course, at the end of last week's episode we saw Peter's hands getting all scary and glowy, which makes him appear a likely candidate, but it would rather mess with the natural order of things if the climactic explosion happened with two episodes still to unfold, wouldn't it? Anyway, here's our rundown of what to expect from our favourite differently-abled humans tonight.
The Spectacular Flying Petrellis (Steve)
They've been busy this season, haven't they? Peter's nearly died so many times that we've lost count, he's saved the cheerleader (but not yet the world) and has gone from whiny emo-kid to badass power sponge, while Nathan's cheated on his wife with Jessica, discovered a bastard child (hi Claire!), almost been abducted by The Company, had a couple of adorable encounters with Hiro, made an impressive double-entendre involving a phallic-looking vegetable and fought valiantly to get into political office. And in the background of all of this has been Angela, arguably the most kickass character on the entire show, manipulating everything from behind the scenes. God, she's awesome.
While we're trying to keep the kibosh on all spoilers, the big question is, while Peter heads off to Kirby Plaza to stop Sylar and possibly go kablooey along with 0.07% of the world's population, will he be operating alone? It did look for a moment as though that dastardly Nathan was willing to sacrifice his own brother for the sake of his political career, although perhaps when considering the likelihood of this we should factor in how Peter and Nathan's bond is beyond close by any normal person's standards (have you seen how much they touch each other?). We're not saying when it'll happen, and we're not saying how; all we will say is that these two are directly involved in our absolute biggest "HELL YEAH!" moment of the episode, possibly even the entire series. You'll know it when you see it, trust us.
The Bennets (RAD)
Oh dear. At the start of all of this, the Bennets looked like your typical middle-class, suburbian dream family. You know, the kind of family Bree Van De Kamp dreams she has. But that image didn't last long. For starters, there is the fact that (for the 0.0001% of you that don't know) cheerleader daughter Claire (she of 'save the cheerleader, save the world' fame) can regenerate at will, coming back from any injury, including several violent 'deaths' - the best of which was recovering from heading into a full on nuclear blast, which was clearly awesome.
Then there was sinister Dad Bennet, who worked for teh evil Linderman corporation to brain!rape anyone who found out any secrets about his actual work. (He also seemed to be a bit too overly protective of Claire, but maybe that's just our Hollyoaks-addled brains working overtime). We still don't know for sure if he is 'good' or 'bad'. Although as Hollyoaks has taught us, (brain)rape can be good if you feel a bit guilty about it. So maybe he is a good'un after all.
Mum Bennet hasn't had much to do this series apart from grow increasingly crazy due to the mind-messing action. We can tell she is crazy, because she shouted at her fugly little dog. Or maybe she just has the superpower to channel Sharon Osbourne. We're not entirely sure.
Son Bennet (he probably has a name, but I missed it) [it's Lyle. Why yes, I do need to get out more. - Steve] has been incredibly insignificant thus far, which leads us to believe he may well hold some latent abilities that will come to the fore in series 2. Or maybe even in this finale.
Those of you who recall the 'five years in the future when everything went bad' episode will know bad things happen to Claire. She worked in a cafe and dyed her hair brown - which we don't think is all that bad - there's no shame to cafe work (and she never does any school work anyway so is unlikely to pass her exams), and brown hair actually really suited her. But she did get her head sliced open by Sylar while he was cunningly disguised as her biological father, which we would class under the "less good" side of things. The fact that Sylar killed Nathan in this dystopian future just makes us even more convinced that that bitch needs to pay, dammit. (What? We love Nathan.)
The Sanders/Hawkins Brood (Steve)
"Who cares?" may be some people's response here. And the Niki/Jessica plotline may not have been most people's favourite, but we'd just like to give props to Ali Larter for the amazing job she did sketching out the differences between the two characters. We loved how she used her physicality to denote the character shifts, especially the way that Niki walks as though she's made of porcelain, while Jessica has shoulders like a prop forward and runs like an articulated lorry.
What we really want from the season finale is for Niki to realise once and for all that her superstrength is hers to access, not just Jessica's. It'd stop her whimpering, wouldn't it? Being understandably chagrined that Linderman (with the aid of Candice) has absconded with Micah the wunderkind, Niki and DL set off to kick Linderman's ass with their combined brute strength and mad phasing skillz, running into Nathan on the way. Of course, if they happen upon some kind of impending apocalypse, they might prove themselves useful, but what are the chances of that happening?
Everyone else (RAD)
Matt the cop has developed something of a cult following on the messageboards - in fact, he seems to have more lustful admirers than the rest of the cast put together. Matt's 'journey' this series has been a rocky one, with falling out with his lady after she discovered he could read minds, being fired/not being fired all the time from police/security work, having to be body guard to a nuclear man and going 'evil' in the potential future episode. As the 'everyman' of the series, we (RAD, anyway) wouldn't bet against Matt dying some kind of heroic death in this finale (now watch that prediction being proved spectacularly wrong).
Although Hiro is the guy we are all meant to love most of all the heroes (and we do love him), he is somehow a bit too, well, happy, for us to identify with. No, our hero among heroes (well mine, anyway - R) is Mohinder Suresh. The son of a geneticist Dad (WHO IS DEAD) who specialised doing research into people's special abilities, Mohinder carried on the work his father did after his death (so really he is just a boffin version of Niki off The X Factor) and connected with several heroes before discovering Sylar was following him around and bumping them all off. Ooops. Anyway, what we like about Mohinder is that he is clearly a genius, but he is also misunderstood and a bit snarky. Much like us. Last episode he was seen talking to a little girl who could locate people wherever they were but had her abilities hindered because she suffered a similar genetic condition to Mohinder's sister. WHO IS DEAD. We suspect somehow Mohinder and this little girl will have a hand in saving the day. (Come on, he's doing it for HIS DEAD DAD after all)
And finally, we come to Sylar. The 'big bad' of the series, Sylar is a serial killer who takes on his victims' abilities and has spent the series bumping off hero-types (inluding one main character, drug-crazed painter, Isaac). He has a mother. WHO IS DEAD. But that's because he killed her last week, so we're not sure it works that well as a sob story. In the 'possible future' we saw that Sylar might have some hand in orchestrating the destruction of New York and then go on to be President. Can our heroes thwart him? We honestly have no idea, althuogh we do know the actor who plays him is playing Spock in the new Star Trek prequel so we're not sure his outlook is good.
So....
That's your cut-out-and-keep LC guide to the end of Heroes series 1. We've heard reports that the first part of series 2 has been a bit rubbish [which turned out to be true - Steve], but in an astonishing feat, the producer did a total public mea culpa and brought things back on track, and the show got amazing again [which is also true, hooray! - Steve]. (We hope the writers of Torchwood are taking note). So we're not going to write it off just yet. Goodbye Heroes. You filled that Star Trek/Buffy shaped hole in our lives (albeit a few hours later in the day) and we will definitely miss you. Please come back soon.
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Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Breaking news
CURRENT! Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe, BBC2, 11.50pm Labels: BBC2, Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe, TV
Sometimes it's just all about being in the right place, with the perfect combination of speak and subject. The third episode of the most recent series of Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe was an in-depth study of television news, in particular the slight ridiculousness of some 24-hour rolling news channels, and it was so precise, so cutting and most importantly so belt-bustingly funny that it made it impossible for the rest of the series to match it. Even the subsequent episode where Charlie made his own Apprentice-style reality show ("then you'll come back to the boardroom, and one of you is going to get fucked") couldn't live up to the near perfection of the news episode. It's getting a terrestrial run tonight, and we just wouldn't feel right if we didn't draw your attention to it.
Where shows like The Day Today and Broken News satirised the news industry with well-observed spoofs, this focuses on how close news has come to self-parody by using actual news footage instead. Particularly cringeworthy moments include a Sky News presenter announcing the death of Harold Pinter (except he wasn't really dead at all and had in fact just won the Nobel Prize for Literature), and the news broadcast that felt we'd best understand the concept of war if there were a large CGI helicopter in front of the presenters.
Pretty much every broadcaster gets a rough ride of things, although there is a particularly appalling clip of Fox News's Bill O'Reilly that pretty much wins all of the "most terrifying news segment ever" awards. There's also an interesting look back at TV news through the ages. We could carry on about how great this was until the cows come home, so we'll just end by saying that this is one of the funniest, cleverest half-hours of television we've seen all year, and we can't recommend it highly enough.
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Monday, November 05, 2007
Strict but fair
DAILY! Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two, BBC2, 6.30pm Labels: BBC2, Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two, TV
While we do tend to get overexcited quite easily, and spend a lot of time talking about shows that have had huge marketing campaigns and widespread public acclaim, sometimes we like to give some kudos to the shows that fly under the radar. The ones that make the most out of what is perhaps not the largest budget, the ones that promise a lot and deliver just as much, the ones that work really hard to cover as much ground as possible in a short space of time. Yes, it's a lowly spin-off show that's a little bit buried in the schedules, but we're going to come out and say it: we love Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two.
One very prominent reason for this is Claudia Winkleman in the presenter's chair, delivering what we consider to be little short of a masterclass in exactly how you present a show like this: she's extremely enthusiastic and passionate about the programme, she's knowledgeable but at the same time doesn't pretend to know things that she doesn't really know, and she's aware that the show is a companion piece to fluffy light entertainment and therefore doesn't pretend she's hosting Newsnight, but still takes things seriously when necessary. Her interviews with the likes of Craig Revel Horwood, or Brendan Cole and Kelly Brook, last week were very deftly done: she allowed them to talk and explain themselves without constantly butting in, but the second they started talking bollocks, she called them on it. Watching Claudia this week has made us realise just how disappointed we are with Dermot O'Leary being such a yes-man on The X Factor.
Another reason to like this show is that it manages to cram more into 30 minutes than some shows put into an hour. While this does make the pace of the show feel a bit breakneck at times, it still doesn't seem as though things aren't getting dealt with fully. Today Claudia will presumably be chatting with this week's eliminated couple Dominic Littlewood and Lilia Kopylova, Craig Revel-Horwood will probably be there because he almost always is, and we're also promised Pauline Quirke and Jessica Hynes as well during the week. Huzzah to that, say we.
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Monday, October 29, 2007
Express yourself clearly
COOKING! Nigella Express, BBC2, 8.30pm Labels: BBC2, Nigella Express, TV
Perhaps it's just us, but watching Nigella just isn't as much fun as it used to be. Far be it from us to be the sort of boring old fart who reminisces about the good old days when all this were nowt but fields, and you could go out with sixpence ha'penny in your pocket, have a couple of beers and a pickled egg and still have money left for your bus fare home, but we remember when her shows used to be a guilty pleasure. Actually, more than that: they were aspirational pornography. We wanted to be Nigella so badly it sort of hurt a little bit.
And yet, when we see her in her new series, the magic seems to have gone. Somewhere along the line Nigella seems to have descended into self-parody; there were points last week where we turned around to our flatmates to verify that we were definitely watching Nigella, and not watching Ronni Ancona "doing" Nigella or something along those lines. And to make matters worse, there's just the slightest hint of smug in her delivery these days. We hate to say it, but it's true. Argh, we feel like horrible people for saying that. What's the appropriate number of Hail Marys for blaspheming a domestic goddess?
Nevertheless, whatever we may think of her presentation style, we still can't help tuning in and we still want to be able to make all the amazingly artery-clogging foods she serves up. This week's meals have a Latin theme, and our stomach is growling at the thought of the griddled ham and cheese quesadilla. Not that we own a griddle pan, of course. At least some things never change.
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Monday, October 15, 2007
Mind your own business
JUDGEMENT! Dragons' Den, BBC2, 9.00pm Labels: BBC2, Dragons' Den, TV
So: that trail for the new series of Dragon's Den, then? Pretty terrifying, isn't it? If we were the weak-willed sort (which we're obviously not; we sat through the entire men's group dance routine on Strictly Come Dancing on Saturday without running from the room in tears), it'd be likely to give us nightmares. The Dragons are frightening enough at normal size without being digitally enhanced to giantlike proportions. We don't want to think about the Attack of the 50 Foot Deborah Meaden, thanks; we don't imagine it has a happy ending.
That said, the return of Dragons' Den is altogether happier news, having somehow achieved the impossible in tandem with The Apprentice and made business-themed television thoroughly entertaining and borderline unmissable. For this new series, Richard Farleigh (he of the impressive barnet) has sadly been dropped from the panel (the debate over why he isn't there any more belongs to a website with a better legal team than this one has) and replaced by new face James Caan. No, not that one. Still present on the panel are Deborah Meaden, Duncan Bannatyne, Theo Paphitis and Peter Jones, who will probably not be discussing the fortunes of Tycoon, more's the pity.
In the opening episode, a professional David Beckham lookalike is after £100,000 to start a "celebrity doubles experience", which we assume has surprisingly little to do with tennis, while another hopeful is after £60,000 to franchise his portable gold-plating business. Let's hope they remembered to pack their nerves of steel in preparation for those icy glares.
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Friday, October 12, 2007
Tudor manner born
HISTORIC! The Tudors, BBC2, 9.00pm Labels: BBC2, The Tudors, TV
We did plan to watch this last week, figuring that we could then bring you a wholly accurate and insightful preview for episode two this week, in that manner that we often do when there's a long-running series on the go. However, as the best laid plans of man go oft awry, we didn't quite get around to it: we were schmoozed by the superficial charms of the new series of Ugly Betty on C4 and ended up watching that instead. Whoops. Aw, hell, we don't regret a second of it, it was great. Amanda's parents are swingers!
Anyway, in light of all this, we feel compelled to turn to the knowledgeable posters of the lowculture messageboard for some feedback. Through the magic of having already been able to watch the show in Ireland, junky declared it "fookin dreadful", adding: "Henry VIII is supposed to be a big character bursting with masculinity and charisma - everything Jonathan Rhys Meyers is the antithesis of. Tonight in a scene he's supposed to be threatening a court fella, he just looked like a snipey queen trying to flirt." fused noted: "I used to study history, and the Tudors are a very interesting dynasty, but there seem to be a lot of dramas about them. Then again, I usually end up watching them all." while klee wondered: "Why not do the Stuarts? They were the Royal family version of Dallas: bizarre obsessions with witchcraft, porphyria, covert Catholicism, affairs with actresses, evil Spanish wives and Revolution." Nurse Dunkley had some more positive feedback: "I disagree with junky and think Johnathan Rhys Meyers is ace. Lets hope they don't bother fattening him up either, because he's especially fit in this." And to end things on a good note, here's Paul: "Episode 10 starts with a Jonathan Rhys Meyers cry-wank which has to be seen to be believed, and the drunken sex scene halfway through the series with Henry Cavill and his wife is fantastic, just for his facial expression alone when she hits him in the face."
So there we have it: notices which are, as they say in the trade, "mixed". It might not be as much fun as Rome as it doesn't seem to have quite so much linguistically inventive swearing, but the cast sure is pretty. And there is always the off chance we might learn something; you never know.
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Thursday, October 04, 2007
Comedy = srs bsns
COMEDY! The Life and Times of Vivienne Vyle/The Peter Serafinowicz Show, BBC2, from 9.00pm Labels: BBC2, The Life and Times of Vivienne Vyle, The Peter Serafinowicz Show, TV
Two new comedy shows on the same night? Why, BBC2, you are spoiling us. Although that's us taking it as read that these shows are any good, but we're quietly hopeful about it. They've got good pedigree, at the very least.
Dame Jennifer Saunders is first up in The Life and Times of Vivienne Vyle, playing a self-obsessed daytime chat show host in the Jeremy Kyle mould (the similarity in the names is coincidental, apparently, but we're not sure how much we believe that), complete with in-show sequences with tabloidy subtitles which look set to be our favourite running gag (the Radio Times lists one as "I Want A Vagina But I Can't Kick The Crack", which is inspired). We've been quite excited about this show for ages as pre-broadcast mumblings suggested it was going to be very good indeed. From the sneaky preview we got on the website, we're already loving Miranda Richardson as the über-stressed producer. Oh, and it's co-written by Tanya Byron from The House of Tiny Tearaways, bizarrely enough.
Also debuting tonight is The Peter Serafinowicz Show, which we're also excited about, because we think he's great even if we always have to look up how to spell his surname. It's a sketch show, which is always pretty tricky territory to get right, but if the trails are anything to go by (not that we're too trusting; we've been burned before) it should be quite ace. The impressions look like they're going to be an absolute hoot. Again, the online preview was an inspired pisstake of the Cillit Bang adverts, which was enough to convince us to tune in.
It should be a power hour of comedy, then, but the question on our lips is: can it beat the powerhouse duo of Flight of the Conchords and Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe on BBC4 on Tuesdays? Not that it's a contest or anything. We just like manufacturing drama for no good reason.
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Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Flash(back)! Ahh-ahh!
PAST! Heroes, BBC2, 9.00pm
It's been a good couple of weeks since we wrote about this show, and we love a good flashback episode (note to Lost: people get excited about them if you use them sparingly, just fyi), so it's high time for us to check back in with the aspiring do-gooders of Heroes as the show flashes back six months.
So, six months prior to all the shit they're currently in, the Heroes were in...a slightly different kind of shit. Niki was an alcoholic, with serious daddy issues. There will be, however, some explanation as to who the hell the butch-looking woman who appears in her mirror actually is, so hurrah for that. Claire had just joined the cheerleading squad (including slightly odd sequence where cheertator Jackie encourages Claire to try on her new uniform in front of her - like, lesbian subtext much?) and was just beginning to discover the whole indestructability thing. Also: Nathan was kind of a nice guy. We'll give you a second to pick yourselves up off the floor.
Anyway, we get to see the first time Nathan flew and how that directly relates to wife Heidi's paralysis, and also Nathan and Peter sit around a hospital waiting room and look like they want to make out with each other. A lot. So at least some things were still the same six months ago. Also, we finally find out who Sylar is, and whoa, does he have issues. Oh, and linking the whole thing to the present time - Hiro's gone back in time to save the life of the cutesy waitress with the memory superpower. Aww. Dork love! It's so cute.
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Friday, September 14, 2007
So it's come to this: another selection box post
Labels: BBC2, Channel 4, Gethin Jones, Heroes, high school musical 2, ITV1, Living, Rugby World Cup, Supernatural, The IT Crowd, The L Word, TV
We find ourselves in one of those unfortunate situations where it's 11:57pm on Thursday night and we still haven't really found anything in Friday's TV schedule that compels us to write about it at length. This may be related to our having gotten all giddy earlier today upon learning that Gethin Jones will be taking part in the new series of Strictly Come Dancing and will therefore probably be wearing extremely tight trousers at least once. It was hard to focus on much else after that.
So, with apologies for the lack of focus in this update, let's have a quick flick through the things that you might be tempted by. Living's got a new episode of The L Word at midnight, marking Cybill Shepherd's first appearance as secretly bisexual (whoops! Spoiler!) new character Phyllis. Those of you with a keen interest in sport may be interested in the Rugby World Cup Live coverage on ITV1 from 7.30; those with no particular interest in sport may still just want to stare at the thighs. That's perfectly acceptable.
There's The IT Crowd on Channel 4 at 10.00pm, which rather amused us last week, and new character Ava in Supernatural on ITV1 at 11.00pm is treated to a vision of the future that enables her to see the inside of Sam's guts. We regret to report that his innards are not nearly as pretty as his, um, outers. And it's not tonight, but don't forget that BBC2 is running a catch-up of Heroes from the beginning tomorrow night and Sunday, if anyone's slipped behind.
To conclude, here's a terrifying deleted scene (or part thereof) from High School Musical 2 that we just can't stop watching on YouTube. We think it might be amazing, but we might never reach a definitive conclusion on this one.
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Monday, September 03, 2007
The whole kitchen caboodle
FOOD! Nigella Express, BBC2, 8.30pm/Hell's Kitchen, ITV1, 9.00pm Labels: BBC2, Hell's Kitchen, ITV1, Nigella Express, TV
It's a bumper night for foodies tonight and no mistake, with not one but two (count them! Seriously, get a copy of the listings and count them; we'll wait) new shows launching tonight. This is the televisual equivalent of going out for dinner and ordering everything on the menu and even though you know you'll end up feeling all sick and bloated afterwards, you eat it all anyway because you can, dammit. (Our binging habits are almost as attractive as Hannah's on Hollyoaks.)
First up is Nigella's return to cookery, after her ill-received chat show, with Nigella Express. This is essentially that show that's going to make you feel really bad about picking up a ready meal from the supermarket on the way home from work, even though you know that it accounts for 54% of your daily saturated fat intake, because you'd justified it to yourself by claiming you didn't have the time to cook something properly. Not so, says Nigella, whose new series is dedicated to fast food that you can make by yourself in a ridiculously tiny amount of time, assuming of course that your larder is as well-stocked as hers is. As lovely as mustard pork chops with gnocchi sounds, we just don't imagine we have the raw ingredients for that lying around in amongst the congealing bowls of fruit and the various dented tins here at lowculture towers. Not that it matters, of course; we're not meant to attempt to copy this at home. In fact, we're surprised this show doesn't start with a disclaimer of that nature. Just sit back and enjoy watching someone else being utterly brilliant in the kitchen and try not to think about your own failings.
And when Nigella's lulled you into a nice sense of calm, flick over to ITV1 for the return of Hell's Kitchen, which has decided to erase all of the changes made to the second series from your mind in exactly the same way that we all know that Shannen Doherty was never really on Charmed, and that Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia. So we're back to celebrity (insert your own inverted commas there if you feel the need) contestants, and since Gordon Ramsey has a golden handcuffs deal with Channel 4, Marco Pierre White will be taking over. We thought he was doing The Restaurant, but apparently that's Raymond Blanc. They all look the same after a while, don't they? Anyway, you all know the format - people try to cope in a kitchen, and get yelled at and probably burn themselves a bit. The list of contestants is a tad uninspiring, but here's hoping Anneka Rice lasts the distance, eh?
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Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Rest' assured?
COOKING! The Restaurant, BBC2, 8.00pm Labels: BBC2, The Restaurant, TV
2007 has not exactly been a vintage year for the reality genre, has it? It kicked off with Shilpagate during Celebrity Big Brother, prompting Channel 4 to "rest" that show for a bit (hooray!), then Sralan Sugar's decision to appoint Simon Ambrose as his next Apprentice brought the nation together in a unified expression of "wtf?" Strictly Dance Fever lost its summer schedule slot to DanceX, which turned out to be both incomprehensible and rubbish. Not to mention Endemol completely dropping the ball with regular Big Brother, and we're basically just left with Britain's Got Talent, which was apparently watched by everyone. Twice. Terrifying thought, isn't it?
Hoping to turn the tide of failure is The Restaurant, where nine couples compete to win a restaurant, financed by Raymond Blanc. Blanc has been in the press a fair bit saying things about how reality TV is far too mean, and he certainly doesn't intend to be unnecessarily mean to people. That's a tad worrying, because surely that's the only reason people watch reality shows in the first place, isn't it? But we'll see how this one goes. Surely most reality show contestants are sufficient to drive even the most mild-mannered person into fits of blaspheming rage, after all.
Special mention goes to the BBC3 spinoff, which is called The Restaurant: You're Fried. Whoever came up with that one should report to lowculture to be issued with a celebratory packet of biscuits in recognition of excellent work.
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Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Gavin it large
FUNNY! Gavin and Stacey, BBC2, 10.00pm Labels: BBC2, Gavin and Stacey, TV
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Sorry, we just had to get that out of the way nice and early, otherwise we'd end up saying it repeatedly throughout this preview for Gavin and Stacey. Awwww. Sorry, we'll stop in a minute, honest. It's just that we saw most of this when it aired on BBC3 earlier in the year, and if it doesn't cause you to go "awwww" at least once every five minutes, you have a cold hard heart of tin, you unfeeling bastard.
The eponymous Gav 'n' Stace have never met, but are clearly OTP nonetheless. He's a Billericay lad and she's a Barry Island girl, and during a conversation over the phone at work, their obvious chemistry compels them to meet. Awwww. (Dammit!) Cue lovely romantic meeting and subsequent swift proposal and plans for a wedding. At this stage it doesn't sound massively funny, we grant you, but you need to factor in the culture clash humour that comes from the meeting of the family and friends, including show scribes James Corden as Gavin's best pal Smithy and Ruth Jones as Stacey's opposite number Nessa. Add Alison Steadman as Gavin's socially uptight mother and Rob Brydon as Stacey's well-meaning but slightly odd Uncle Bryn (his conversations with his Sat Nav in a later episode are an absolute treat) and you have that rarity of a comedy that's both funny and heartwarming. Awwww.
So, obviously, this is the first episode and groundwork needs to be laid, so it's time for Gavin and Stacey's first meeting in London. Obviously we know that it's going to be love at first sight or this would be a very short series indeed, but the fun's in seeing where it all goes from there. Awww. (Whoops.)
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Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Hero worship
SUPER! Heroes, BBC2, 9.00pm
Okay, we're five episodes in; we officially deem this sufficient time for us to be able to squee about this show again without being accused of bias or favouritism or something. (Not that we've ever been especially unbiased about things in the past, of course.) So, last week lots of interesting things happened: Claire woke up on a slab in the morgue, unsurprisingly a little bit peeved about the whole attempted-rape-and-murder thing, so she did what any of us would do if we found ourselves indestructible and back from the dead with our attempted rapist still on the loose: she took him for a drive and slammed his car into a wall. Hell yeah. Niki tried to sleep with Nathan to clear her debt to Linderman, but found herself unable to do it, so MirrorNiki took over and did the deed instead. The moral of this story is that turning down sex with Adrian Pasdar is always wrong, and should you ever make such an idiotic decision, your superego will take over and reverse it for you. Oh, and Peter figured out that maybe he could absorb other people's powers, and had a visit from Hiro of the Future, who had a message for him.
So, this week there are repercussions from all of that. Creepy Mr Bennet catches up with Nathan and attempts to abduct him for nefarious purposes unspecified, leading to Nathan making one of the most kickass exits we've ever seen on TV. Oh, and he's shirtless at the time. This was presumably the show's little gift to us and our increasingly frightening Adrian Pasdar fixation. Also, Nathan meets Hiro and has a brilliantly surreal conversation with him. It's every bit as cute as you'd expect.
Meanwhile, Claire's actions with Roadkill Rapist have unforeseen consequences, while Matt uses his power for personal gain and because he never watched Charmed, he's totally unprepared for it to backfire on him, albeit in a rather indirect way. Oh, and Hiro's message for Peter involves something to do with saving cheerleaders and/or the world, or something. It'll never catch on, whatever it was.
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Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Back in a Jiffy
COMPILATION! The Best of Little Miss Jocelyn, BBC2, 10.00pm Labels: BBC2, Best of Little Miss Jocelyn, TV
During one of our much-publicised trips down the pub last week - the ones that we were making when we should have been at home writing things for this website - some of our friends posited that there hasn't been any good comedy on the BBC for ages. They singled out Little Miss Jocelyn for particular scorn, which is interesting. Largely because it's great, and they're wrong, essentially.
We gave this official lowculture-approved status during its initial airing on BBC3, even giving it the highly-coveted "We love..." spot in the top right-hand corner, but there remain those who aren't convinced. This compilation probably isn't going to convince people who were unimpressed first time around, but it's an excellent opportunity for the rest of us to revisit all of our best bits. A bit like being evicted from Big Brother, but without the booing and the shouty pregnant lady.
Our favourite characters include high-powered international businesswoman Paulette, who doesn't take kindly to not getting her own way; Madam President, the first black female president of the United States with a bizarre tendency to talk like a bit-player in a '70s Blaxploitation movie, and of course the polygamous Mrs Omwukuopopo. It stands and falls on the strength of the characters and the catchphrases, but it makes us laugh, and that's all we care about.
(Also of note this evening, the BBC3 episode of Heroes contains entirely gratuitous shirtless Adrian Pasdar. We'll be freeze-framing.)
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Friday, August 03, 2007
Oops...we did it again
We really have to apologise for our disgracefully unprofessional behaviour this week, since this is the second time that we've ended up gallivanting down the pub in the evening instead of writing our previews. If it helps at all, we had a lovely time and are now slightly inebriated, and to top it all off, we're still here writing this in the wee small hours before we go to bed, such is our devotion to you. We love you guys. Awwww. But that might be the drink talking. Labels: BBC2, Channel 4, Five, Grumpy Old Women, ITV1, Star Stories, Supernatural, The Shield, TV
So, given that we're a bit on-the-hoof again due to our lack of preparation, but also because there's frankly bollock-all worth discussing at length on tonight's telly, we're going to do a Bambi-esque gambol through various programmes at speed again, just like we did on Tuesday. It's kind of more fun this way, actually, but we'll try not to get too reliant on this as a fallback all the same. First of all, on behalf of our lovely flatmate, we're going to recommend The Shield on Five at 11pm, because it's one of her favourite shows. This may or may not be related to the broadness of Vic Mackey's shoulders and arms, but we don't know for sure; you'll have to ask her yourselves. For those of you who like your cop shows gritty, look no further, because everyone in this reeks of Eau de Corruption, and it's all the more fantastic for it. This week, the Strike Team find their position compromised by the death of a city official's daughter. We assume that the kicking of asses and the taking of names will follow shortly.
Elsewhere, there's a new Star Stories on C4 at 9.30pm, delivering a spoof on the irrepressible Tom Cruise (and on that subject, what the hell is up with Katie Holmes this days? Why does she dress like a fifty-year-old? If you know, please explain that to us), which should be good for a laugh. BBC2's got a new series of Grumpy Old Women at 10pm, and just because we can, we're going to invite you to watch our guilty pleasure: Supernatural on ITV1 at 11.00pm, where the unspeakably beautiful Sam and Dean Winchester deal with a necromancer, while angsting prettily about their unresolved daddy issues in their spare time.
That's it, then. Apologies for the brevity, and we'll see you back here on Monday, with freshly-ironed clothes and newly-polished shoes, as is our custom. Have a lovely weekend!
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Tuesday, July 31, 2007
So it's come to this: a lowculture clipshow
Labels: 101 Sexiest Celebrity Bodies, BBC2, Cape Wrath, Channel 4, e4, ITV2, Sensitive Skin, TV, What About Brian?
Don't you just hate it when you sit down to watch one of your beloved (usually American) TV shows, only to discover that you've been cheated out of a new episode and given a bunch of rehashed and re-edited clips passing themselves off as fresh or occasionally "unseen" footage instead? Well, you're probably not going to like this then, because due to circumstances beyond our control (we got unexpectedly dragged down the pub last night when we were meant to be writing this), we're going to briefly flit across a handful of programmes that are on tonight, rather than look at any particular one in depth, and steal as much of this writeup from the messageboard as we possibly can. Sorry. Normal service will be resumed tomorrow.
Of note tonight, then: the final episode of Sensitive Skin at 10.00pm on BBC Two, which despite featuring the lovely Joanna Lumley and therefore pretty much automatically qualifying as highculture, has been widely appreciated on the boards, leading groopie to declare "I think I'm going to live on a boat" (there was probably some context for this within the show that makes more sense of it), while Cherubic commented: "I love this programme. I'm not very good at being positive, so that is all." High praise indeed.
Elsewhere, the excessively-trailed What About Brian? continues at 9.00pm on E4, but at least the trailers aren't as soul-crushingly annoying as the ones for Skins were, so we'll let it off. Most of the focus on the boards is on the fact that the show features Sarah Lancaster from Saved by the Bell: The New Class, but we gather she's not actually in this week's episode. Boo. At 8.00pm ITV2 will be exploring the 101 Sexiest Celebrity Bodies, but only down as far as number 81. Swizz! And Cape Wrath continues on Channel 4 at 10.00pm in the face of widespread public befuddlement, with comments such as "it's not really living up to its promise" from Nurse Dunkley and "I was really looking forward to this too, but it's lazy and boring" from cathybradford. Interesting how that's in the same timeslot as Sensitive Skin, the show everyone seems to love. Not that we're trying to make your viewing decisions for you. At least, no more so than usual.
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Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Holding out for Heroes
FINALLY! Heroes, BBC2, 9.00pm
It probably sounds like we've been wittering on about this quite a lot recently, especially since we made it our pick of the day when Sci Fi showed the season finale last week, but to heck with it: we're excited because our favourite new show of the 2006 US TV season has finally made it to BBC2 and we reserve the right to give it prominence on our homepage every now and then.
We're not sure how many people are left who haven't already either seen it on Sci Fi or acquired it by potentially dodgy internet-based means, but for the purposes of this preview, we'll assume that you haven't seen it yet. We'll also try not to do what several TV periodicals have already done and give away some of the twists before the first episode has even aired. Sheesh. So: the premise, for the as-yet-uninformed, is that a bunch of ordinary people across the world (but mainly in North America, let's be honest) begin to discover that they have strange, supernatural abilities. A handful of them are overjoyed and feel that their lives now have a sense of purpose; the majority, however, suspect that they may be royally fucked as a result.
Admittedly the show gets off to a slow start, since the main characters are largely based in locations extremely distant from each other, so there's lots of chopping to and from various stories all jostling to be the A-plot. Not all of the characters are immediately engaging (if you find yourself nodding off during Mohinder's faux-profound voiceovers, you're not alone), but stick with it and it's all kinds of ace once the overall plot begins to unfold. Now's a good time to start picking your favourite characters, by the way, and preparing to enthuse about them to anyone and everyone. If anyone cares, the majority of our love goes to shadowy politician Nathan Petrelli, his emo-haired brother Peter, and badass indestructible cheerleader Claire Bennet. There's a double bill to get you started tonight, and there's even a fanzine-type show to follow before Newsnight. Probably best to get on board now, then.
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Wednesday, July 18, 2007
So good, he named it twice
UPDATE! Dragons' Den: Where Are They Now?, BBC2, 8.00pm Labels: BBC2, Dragons' Den, TV
This is not, sadly, a documentary charting what happened to Peter Jones after he had the idea to cart a show off to ITV, although that probably would be quite fun to watch. Especially the part where he saw the ratings. Don't lose heart, however, because this is a progress report on the various entrepreneurs who appeared on the last series of Dragons' Den and what sort of situation they're in now. It's the bit where you hope the ones you liked are doing well for themselves, and the ones you didn't are foraging for scraps in wheelie bins. Unless you're a nicer person than we are, which is quite likely.
The big selling point in this particular episode is that it revisits the now-infamous Levi Roots, inventor of Reggae Reggae Sauce. The only sauce (that we know of) to come with its very own musical accompaniment (the "I feel like chicken tonight" song does NOT count), or at the very least the only one where the jingle was released as a single in its own right. At least, we were told that was happening. We don't really know if it ever did. That's sort of the point of this programme in fairness, isn't it? He did at least get to perform it on Harry Hill's TV Burp, which is a high accolade in its own right.
Also appearing in tonight's show are the duo who persuaded all five dragons to invest in their Standby Saver. We have to admit we didn't see this episode, so we have no idea what one of those is or does, but it might be something to do with saving standbys. That's our gut instinct, anyway. Or possibly something huggable and eco-friendly having to do with stopping TVs from being left on standby and wasting power. Our flatmate does this all the time, and every time he does it we kick him in the bollocks. That's more of a short-term solution, though, so perhaps we do need one of those things after all.
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Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Badgers or bust
NATURE! Springwatch Nightshift, BBC2, 12.20am Labels: BBC2, nature, Springwatch Nightwatch, TV
For once, you can spend part of your summer staying up until an ungodly hour watching grainy footage of dumb animals stumbling around in the darkness. No, we're not talking about Big Brother (after all, who didn't see that setup coming a mile away?), but about something entirely wholesome and possibly even educational: Springwatch Nightshift.
We consulted Nurse Dunkley from the messageboards, who's a firm proponent of the show, to discover just what's so awesome about it. He advised us that "you should probably mention how strangely amazing it is to see fuckloads of badgers (at least 8!) wandering around and attacking the camera camouflage equipment", and to be perfectly honest we didn't need much more persuading than that. Unless of course it was eight Ruth Badgers randomly attacking the cameras, which would easily be the best thing ever shown on television ever. Also of note are the barn owls, specifically how "last week the older ones were eating the younger ones". We believe this was a storyline mooted for the proposed sixth series of Footballers' Wives, before its lamentable cancellation. This show is officially like all the good bits of other shows rolled into one.
Sadly we gather that we will not be treated to the sight of Bill Oddie in a sleeping bag, since apparently all of his bits are pre-recorded, but this may not be such a terrible thing after all. The website assures us that the show will feature "things that scurry through the night", and we haven't experienced that since the last time we went to G-A-Y, so that should be fun. Plus we quite fancy learning something, other than "wealthy posh girls are sometimes unwittingly racist", and Nurse Dunkley assures us that the show is highly educational, and easily better than actual school biology lessons, so there you go. Problem solved.
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Thursday, May 31, 2007
Quite contrary
BUSINESS! Mary, Queen of Shops, BBC2, 9.00pm Labels: BBC2, Mary Queen of Shops, TV
We'll freely admit that there are occasions when, faced with several pages of the Radio Times along with a bunch of programmes that we've never seen and a section of empty blogspace that needs filling for the following day, we have absolutely no idea what to write about, so we just decide to go with the TV show with the most amusing title. So, congratulations to the producers of Mary, Queen of Shops, for you win at the often underappreciated art of TV titling.
It's sort of a mishmash of winning TV formats in that an expert (in this case, "retail guru" Mary Portas) visits failing businesses (in this case, shops, obviously) in an attempt to reverse their fortunes. And...that's pretty much it. It doesn't take a genius to figure out how the rest of the show works, especially if you've seen Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, or The Hotel Inspector or even Trinny and Susannah Undress.
But from what little we've seen of the show so far, we suspect that Mary has the makings of a TV icon, even if she does look a bit like a hybrid of Sharon Osbourne and Rachel's boss at Ralph Lauren from Friends. All she needs now is a nice line in pithy one liners (we'll leave it up to her as to whether she chooses to pepper them with expletives, as it seems to work either way) and the ability to leave a trail of sunshine and songbirds in her wake, and she's all set.
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Friday, May 11, 2007
Word.
WORDS! Balderdash and Piffle, BBC2, 10.00pm Labels: Balderdash and Piffle, BBC2, TV
We really like words. In fact, we'd go so far as to suggest we get quite geeky where words are concerned (We know, right? Geeks, on the internet - what are the odds?), which is why we've been working ourselves into a state of nerdy excitement at the return of this series where the lovely Victoria Coren does her best to make etymology sexy. Or sexier, if you're us.
We missed most of the last series because it clashed with something else we really wanted to watch (and at this extremely distant point we have no idea what that programme was, although it was probably something like America's Next Top Model, which just goes to show the inevitable victor whenever culture picks a fight with trash in our heads), but the first episode was a hoot, especially since it gave a large chunk of its running time over to Polari, thus terrifying nice old ladies all over the country who thought they'd finally found a programme that bumming couldn't invade. Guess again!
Apparently this first episode will focus on words relating to madness, which should be interesting since that's rather fertile ground. And those of you who like to flaunt your intellectual superiority over others (and we know who you are, especially the ones who post on the messageboard) will likely enjoy the appeals for information on obscure words that have stumped the professionals.
And while you're busy with this, we're heading off to Coventry for the weekend to stare at Jensen Ackles. See you on the other side!
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Monday, April 16, 2007
There's a Guy Down the Synagogue Swears He's Elvis
ELVIS! Blue Suede Jew, BBC2, 9.00pm Labels: BBC2, Blue Suede Jew, TV
Gently does it. See, this is one of those shows that we feel a responsibility to write about very carefully, because we haven't seen it, and despite the fact that the trailer is very amusing, we don't want to write a long entry here about how it's going to be hilarious and stupid only to find that the trailer is misleading and the film is moving and then we come on here in the morning to find umpteen comments calling us heartless, cynical (possibly even anti-Semitic) bastards. We learnt that lesson the hard way.
But! The trailer for this does indeed make it look quite funny. This is a documentary (hang in there, it gets better) following Gilles Elmalih, a 47-year-old Jewish Elvis impersonator. This in itself may be unremarkable, but Gilles believes that Elvis is rather like his guardian angel, and is guiding him through life and telling him the path he must take. Much the same way that Janice Dickinson does for us, even if her instructions tend to be rather destructive and predictable ("Take the botox! Lose thirty pounds! Tell that woman she looks like she has a penis! Jump into the fountain while wearing the priceless and irreplaceable designer dress!").
We're actually quite looking forward to seeing if there's an explanation for the "messages from Elvis" that are shown in the trailer, which appear to be screwed up pieces of paper lying on the floor. (Our messages from Janice usually arrive scrawled in lipstick on the chest of a semi-nude and confused-looking male, but hey, we're not complaining.) If that's a practical joke, it's a fucking mean one. It sounds like a thoroughly entertaining way to spend an hour of our evening, but of course we're waiting to see if Janice tells us to watch it. It's on at the same time as America's Next Top Model, so that's quite likely.
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Saturday, March 10, 2007
Super Woofers
SIT! Crufts 2007, BBC2, Sat 7.30pm and Sun 7pm 
Many people think that Crufts makes dogs look ridiculous, but discounting the one from Friday night whose fur had been cut to make it look like a lion, it doesn't at all. While the dogs may look unnaturally primped, it's the handlers prancing alongside them who emerge looking most preposterous, not least because they have bestowed names upon their hapless pooches that read like those random nonsensical email subject headings designed to get through spam filters. And seriously, during the doggy dancing sequences (sorry, "freestyle heelwork to music") you're left thinking that only one species should be sectioned under the mental health act and it's not the one that can lick its own genitals.
The paradoxical wonder of Crufts is that it's essentially a beauty contest for animals that are genetically predisposed to eat their own shit, drag their bums along the carpet, stink the house out and lie on their backs, legs akimbo, proudly displaying their erections to embarrassed visitors. Still, anyone who has ever come within leg-humping distance of our loveable four-legged friends cannot fail to be transfixed by the agility competition, or to bawl uncontrollably at the Friends for Life award when people with disabilities are wheeled out to tell us how their dogs saved their lives.
The greatest part of Crufts is Flyball, which is the single most exciting sport ever invented. Basically, dogs race each other frantically through chicanes, hit a lever that sends a tennis ball flying into the air, which they catch in their mouths then race back to the start with. It's bloody brilliant. That woman off the horse racing who's co-presenting with Ben Fogle should have a word with her employers about changing the format of Channel 4 racing to include Flyball (oh and maybe Dick and Dom's Baby Race, that was good too). There's actually a wee bit of tension between posho Ben and horse lady because his dog is really well behaved, while her (normal) one constantly ignores her commands, head butts her microphone and runs away. Ben really likes to point this out.
On a serious note, dogs are just great and it's fab to watch healthy, happy pooches getting loads of loving attention and showing off their clever skills, but cutting their tails off is not very nice, so don't!
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Friday, February 16, 2007
Ident believe it!
REBRANDED! New BBC2 idents, BBC2, Sunday, 6.00am onwards Labels: BBC2, BBC2 idents, idents, TV
A quick reminder ahead of the weekend that the brand new BBC2 idents go live on Sunday morning. As with all TV channel rebrands there will be a period of transition, possible confusion and a general sense of all things being familiar and yet unfamilar at the same time, rather like being in a parallel universe or having sex in your parents' bed. The important thing to remember here is that the BBC are retaining the '2' that we all know and love, now in its 16th successive year, but have lopped off the annoying and unnecessary robotic arms they saddled it with six years ago. 2 is beautiful again!
The new BBC2 logos offer an "unexpected" view of the world, apparently, and cost a paltry and easily justifiable £700,000 to produce. To complete the rebrand, the 'TWO' font has been tweaked and the official BBC2 colour has returned to a slightly darker version of that sort-of-quite-a-nice-shade-of-green used between 1991 and 2001. An obsessive may note that this means the 'channel colours' of BBCs 1, 2 and 3 are now red, green and blue, which are the primary colours of light. This is important. These details matter.
Why not invite a group of friends around for 6am on Sunday morning and enjoy the new BBC2 idents together! Perhaps during the Tweenies and Big Cook Little Cook you could turn the sound down and discuss which idents have influenced you over the years, and how you feel the new BBC2 rebrand will enhance your life. After all, with seven launch idents to choose from, you're sure to find one which EXACTLY matches your personal outlook and general perspective, and from which you can derive pleasure and comfort over and over and over again for the next five or six years at least, hopefully.
Have a good weekend!
By Nick :: Post link
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Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Monkey Business
SWEATY! Dragons’ Den, BBC2, 8pm Labels: BBC2, Dragons' Den, TV
Everyone’s favourite humiliation-fest dressed up as a business show is back! Fantastically, it looks like Dragons’ Den is sticking to the format of having one slightly decent business idea bobbing around in a faux-fur-seated toilet of lunacy. ‘Slightly decent idea’ being the key term here, given that last year’s example of a great business was a shop selling baseball caps.
Tonight’s show features such indispensable items as: a ‘woolly warmer’ - a bag designed to solve the perennial nightmare of how to keep lambs cosy; a glove to remind idiots to drive on the other side of the road when abroad; an extremely complicated lemon-slicer; and reggae reggae sauce (complete with its own theme song, but employing which musical genre we wonder?). All fantastic proposals if the business plan involves adding LSD to the local water supply.
Hopefully at least one of the ‘entrepreneurs’ will be really arrogant and defend his rubbish idea to the point of insulting the Dragons so we don’t feel too bad when he is reduced to a worthless husk by the rich bullies. Peter Jones in particular has a great talent for causing people to perspire uncontrollably by glaring at them as if they’ve just crapped in a carrier bag and thrown it at him.
Dragons’ Den is wonderfully life-affirming in that it makes you feel like a business genius merely because you haven’t remortgaged your house on the basis of a delusional belief that the masses are desperate for a coffee table with a TV screen inside. During the bits where we’re not too busy feeling smug, we’ll be looking to see whether Richard Farleigh has realised it’s not the 1980s.
By Kellie :: Post link
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