It’s now almost a year since the news broke that Carla Connor was leaving Coronation Street.
AND SHE’S STILL BLOODY IN IT.
To celebrate, I’ve looked back at all the times that she literally could not believe it either.
1. The time, very early on, when she could still smile about it
“OK, 12 months, I can do this. I’ve already been married three times (and widowed twice), been addicted to alcohol and gambling, run someone over when I was drink driving, been attacked by my fiancé, attempted suicide, been accused of murder on at least two occasions that I can remember, had multiple affairs, nearly died in a minibus crash, an explosion at the factory, a different explosion in my flat, and again when some thugs dragged me down the street in a car by me handbag. What else can POSSIBLY happen?”
2. The time she became addicted to gambling again
“Hold on, I though we’d done this one already? Even Rosie Banks in Brookside only got addicted to scratchcards once.”
3. The time they brought her brother Rob back
“You were a good character, weren’t you? Shame they made you a murderer and you can’t ever come back, except this time, and probably another couple of times later on.”
4. The time she got together with Nick Tilsley despite previously loathing him
“Oh. So we’re REALLY doing this storyline, are we? Fine.”
5. The time she went round to see Ken Barlow
“I’m pretty sure I was married to your son at one point, wasn’t I? Or was that Leanne? Or both of us? And which one came first? It’s hard to keep track. Was I actually called Carla Barlow? I was, wasn’t I? That sounded daft. Not as daft as Carla Tilsley, but still quite daft.”
6. The time she was worried about some load of old shit or other
“I’m not sure if it’s the drinking or the gambling. Any ideas?”
7. The time she went to the casino
“There’s nothing I like more than frittering away thousands of pounds while I’m having a massive glass of wine.”
8. The time right after that when she read ahead in the script and realised she was supposed to COMPLETELY INEXPLICABLY got together with Robert Preston
“You’re KIDDING?!”
9. The time she had a really uncomfortable-looking snog with Robert Preston against a hotel room door
“Hang on a minute, I’ve got the keycard thingy wedged in the small of my back.”
10. The time she felt guilty about 7, 8 and 9 (above)
“I feel right guilty, me”
11. The time she contemplated things while gazing into her feature fireplace
“I’ll miss this feature fireplace when I go. If I ever do”.
12. The time she continued to feel guilty about 7, 8 and 9 (above), but this time with Tracy Barlow looming over her
“I sense I’ll be doing this exact same scene, five times a week, for a whole year”
13. The time Michelle held her back because she was about to go for Tracy Barlow
“This has been dragging on so long that I’ve forgotten what we were even fighting about but I’ll have a pop anyway!”
14. The time she thought she’d accidentally burned Kal to death
“I never even had a scene with him to the best of my recollection but I’m still gutted.”
15. The time she just looked really pissed off for no particular reason
“God, this new set is SO BLOODY WINDY!”
16. The time she was stuck in the worst hostage situation ever
“Stick to the revenge porn, pal, because you’re rubbish at this.”
17. The time she wondered why the hell she even chose that particular fireplace
“It might look AMAZING but it’s really impractical for camera angles. Not that I was really thinking about that, what with being a fictional character, but the point still stands.”
18. The time they brought in a new brother and sister for her EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS ALREADY LEAVING
“I know, I don’t see the point either. Let’s just say the lines and buy ourselves something nice with the money.”
19. The time a robber tried to steal her handbag
“Gerroff!”
20. The time she ended up in a coma after a car dragged her down the cobbles
“I pray for death’s sweet release. Tina, I’m coming! And when I get there, I’ll give you a good slap for that affair with Peter.”
21. The time Tracy Barlow held her captive in a hotel room for some reason
“Bloody hell fire, I thought this was the 8.30 episode! Do you mean I’ve got another one to get through?”
22. That time she didn’t know whether the scene was about her, or if she was just in it.
“I know I came in here for something.”
