Rough trade

SWITCH! Don't Call Me Stupid, ITV1, 10.00pm

The latest in the line of life swapping series, this celebrity version is really managing to scrape the barrel. Still, Germaine Greer is always fun, which is quite a blessing since the woman has never in her life been able to turn down a request to be on television. Tonight she will match wits with Shane Lynch out of Boyzone and panto fame. You might be expecting Germaine to be teaching Shane some of the finer points of feminist theory and in return him giving a lesson on how to deflect blow job offers from pop svengalis. But you would be wrong!

Instead, Shane will have to pass as an expert on the "wild flowers of Essex" and Germaine will be taught Shane's passion for fixing cars. At the end, each will be quizzed on what they have learned and someone is sure to be declared 'less stupider'. We're not betting people, but we did see Germaine on television earlier this summer drafting up plans for Dubai-style skyscrapers on the Cambridge campus. Still, we'll probably end up blubbing over Gavin & Stacey's wedding on BBC3 instead. But good effort, ITV!

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Tiny things for you to watch:

Torchwood sock puppets.

SOMEWHERE in the world, even Nicki French is popular.

Terrifying Scottish man.

Historic Hollyoaks.

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