Too-loo rye-aye

NEWCOMER! Coronation Street, ITV1, 7.30 & 8.30pm

Coronation StreetWell, this should be a lesson to us: we shouldn't leave the updates to write until the last minute, and we definitely shouldn't go out drinking before we do them, because now we're finding it hard to concentrate, and we seem to keep -- oooh, shiny! -- getting distracted. But we will soldier on in the name of half-arsed professionalism and hope that you'll forgive us this minor transgression.

And since we've just come back from checking Amazon to see how cheaply we can get a copy of From Justin to Kelly on DVD (answer: very, although somebody's extremely optimistic in charging £43.54 for a used copy), which rather illustrates our point about a lack of focus, we shall get on with business: chiefly, that of Corrie's Eileen getting a new romantic interest. Hooray! We love Eileen, and not just for that classic berobed catfight with Gail on the cobbles. It's probably a combination of her generous nature, her love of crisps, and the fact that she's usually got a sarcastic put-down for anyone less sharp than she is. We want to be more like her.

Anyway, her love life hasn't exactly been the stuff of a racy airport pulp fiction novel lately; indeed, it's barely been the stuff of a Peter and Jane book. But she's encountered a flirty chap by the name of Pat over the phone while working at Streetcars, and will surely be pleasantly surprised when she meets him in person today and discovers that he's played by Sean Hughes. This does, however, come as a bit of a bummer (not in that sense) to Sinbad, who has romantic designs on Eileen himself. So essentially she's gone from no love life whatsoever to having two men competing for her attention. That's far more like it. Bravo, Eileen.

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Tiny things for you to watch:

Torchwood sock puppets.

SOMEWHERE in the world, even Nicki French is popular.

Terrifying Scottish man.

Historic Hollyoaks.

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Editor Paul has been watching Barefoot Contessa on UKTV Food: "I fucking hate her, yet I can't leave the room when she's on. Pure evil!" » not quite getting around to watching that new Futurama DVD: "Maybe at the weekend, eh?" » plotting a new member of the Lowculture family: "Nobody will have a clue what it's about, but I'm still doing it!"