Amusement crusade

GIVE! Comic Relief - The Big One, BBC1, 7.00pm

It's that time again! It seems like only two years since a bunch of the most talented, hilarious and generous people on British television pooled their resources to produce some of the most ground-breakingly brilliant, innovative, fresh television comedy ever seen in the UK, and now they're at it again! All in the name of charity and goodness, naturally. So, if you've got a spare eight hours tonight, you could do a lot worse than switching over to BBC1 for a laugh (ha ha!), a spot of stargazing (ho ho!) and the chance to make a hefty donation in excess of three figures (lowculture does not necessarily endorse the use of a decimal point) as a thank you to all the wonderful people involved in tonight's event, as well as Davina McCall, Kate Thornton and Fearne Cotton.

Of course, there's no better way to gauge a sense of the passing of time than by comparing the comedic names involved in successive Red Nose Days. New faces from 2005's show such as Henry, Wossy, Frenchy, Atkinsony, Nortony and Gervaisy now jostle for attention alongside lowculture favourites Mitchelly and Webby, who'll be putting Vordermanny and Bally (Snr) through their paces in a Special Red Nose Day edition of Numberwang, not to mention a Special Red Nose Day "surprise" from Kayey (probably a song, unfortunately), Hilly presenting a Special Red Nose Day edition of TV Burp (thanks, ITV!), and Tennanty in a Special Red Nose Day sketch with Tatey, followed by some other sketches from Tatey minus Tennanty a bit later on which probably won't be as Special. The big news (if you're Frenchy or Curtisy) is a Special Red Nose Day edition of BBC sitcom jewel The Final Ever Vicar Of Dibley, this time with young up-and-comer Stingy on hand to really force the chuckles from our throats. Frenchy's also due to pop up alongside Lucasy and Walliamsy, as are Brandy and Watermany, AND IF ALL THAT WASN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU COMEDY LEECHES there's the winner of Comic Relief Does The Apprentice to be revealed, not to mention the joyous prospect of Comic Relief Does Fame Academy being brought to an end in the name of charity and goodwill to the starving and unfortunate.

Finally, post-midnight, Peggy and Frosty draw the short straw / are the lucky bastards who get to do the pre-recorded links without having to be there on the night during the lengthy post-midnight Comic Relief clip anthology, which this year seems to drag on even longer than usual and almost certainly won't have O'Leary sitting in a sauna wearing a towel like it did a few years ago. Unless that's one of the clips. It's unlikely, but, you know, they could have snuck it in there. If they're feeling charitable.

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Tiny things for you to watch:

Torchwood sock puppets.

SOMEWHERE in the world, even Nicki French is popular.

Terrifying Scottish man.

Historic Hollyoaks.

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Editor Paul has been watching Barefoot Contessa on UKTV Food: "I fucking hate her, yet I can't leave the room when she's on. Pure evil!" » not quite getting around to watching that new Futurama DVD: "Maybe at the weekend, eh?" » plotting a new member of the Lowculture family: "Nobody will have a clue what it's about, but I'm still doing it!"