WTF?

CABARET! The All-Star Talent Show, Five, 8.30pm

The All Star Talent ShowIs it just us, or has Friday night telly taken a turn for the decidedly ropey recently? We weren't impressed with Star Stories, BBC1 seems to favour gentle, whimsical one-off dramas (starring Sarah Lancashire for preference) and the less said about the abysmal Charlotte Church Show the better.

We're not that convinced that this show on Five is likely to redress any of our problems, but we might give this one a go this week - assuming we can take time out from our busy A-gay lifestyles to sit in and watch telly of a Friday eve. It's a "knowing", "ironic" celebrity talent show where various celebrities come on and wow us all with a talent we never knew they had. If some of you are breaking out in a cold sweat at the very thought of such a programme, we empathise entirely.

On tonight's show: Rhona Cameron sings some jazz, Roy Walker sings opera and Jilly Goolden does a flamenco dance, alongside some people so utterly d-list that we can't really be bothered to talk about them here. And just when you thought it couldn't get any more bizarre, the whole thing is presided over by Julian Clary, Andi Peters and Myleene Klass. We almost want to applaud whoever came up with this show just for its sheer insanity as a concept, but at the same time we suspect we shouldn't be encouraging them...

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Tiny things for you to watch:

Torchwood sock puppets.

SOMEWHERE in the world, even Nicki French is popular.

Terrifying Scottish man.

Historic Hollyoaks.

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Editor Paul has been watching Barefoot Contessa on UKTV Food: "I fucking hate her, yet I can't leave the room when she's on. Pure evil!" » not quite getting around to watching that new Futurama DVD: "Maybe at the weekend, eh?" » plotting a new member of the Lowculture family: "Nobody will have a clue what it's about, but I'm still doing it!"