TANYA'S BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS

All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Friday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» CAMP! The Simple Life 2: Road Trip, Channel 4, 7.35pm
Poor Nicole may have been cast aside as Paris's sidekick in the real world (and we don't mean that other reality show), but in the world of delayed terrestrial premieres, Paris and Nicole are still totally BFF. In a change of format from the first series, the two socialites take a trip across the USA with only their feminine wiles as their float. Still, we're fairly certain that Paris Hilton can call in a few favours when she needs to, if you know what we mean, and we're certain you do.
» CHAMP! Playing It Straight, Channel 4, 10.00pm
It's make or break time for Zoe, as she finally has to trust her gaydar and pick the straight guy. She'll be getting advice from ousted contestants (who may, it has to be said, not have her best interests at heart, since she booted them and all), but it's ultimately her decision, and there's a fair amount of cash at stake. As for the remaining cowboys, why, they'll be serenading Zoe tonight. Kudos to any of them who don't look totally gay attempting that, say we.
» VAMP! Buffy The Vampire Slayer, BBC1, 11.35pm
Not the massively successful cult TV series starring Sarah Michelle Gellar, but the significantly less successful cult movie starring Kristy Swanson, Donald Sutherland, Rutger Hauer and Luke Perry. Fans of the TV show who've not yet seen this may be a little disappointed that it's not quite as polished as the series (and to be perfectly honest, it's downright daft in place), but there's lots of fun to be had here. Fangtastic. (We're sorry, we're very, very sorry.)
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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Tiny things for you to watch:

Torchwood sock puppets.

SOMEWHERE in the world, even Nicki French is popular.

Terrifying Scottish man.

Historic Hollyoaks.

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Empire's 50 Greatest TV Shows of All Time

quote open Lost is so fucking overrated. Fifth-best show of all time? I'm not even sure it's the fifth-best show on Sky One quote close

Doctor Who

quote open I really want an Adipose, especially the one who was skipping down the street. quote close

Step Up 2:
The Streets

quote open God, this was BRILLIANT! I'm off to start a crew. quote close

Hollyoaks

quote open New Elliott is not as fit as I expect a made-over geek to be. He needs to do something better with his hair quote close

Torchwood

quote open I'm glad that Jack spent 2000 years choking on soil and dying. quote close

How To Look Good Naked

quote open I get that morally it's probably better because it's all about loving yourself in the body you're in, but from a voyeuristic point of view, I'd rather have seen her have a tummy tuck. quote close




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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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La Vida Lowculture

Editor Paul has been watching Barefoot Contessa on UKTV Food: "I fucking hate her, yet I can't leave the room when she's on. Pure evil!" » not quite getting around to watching that new Futurama DVD: "Maybe at the weekend, eh?" » plotting a new member of the Lowculture family: "Nobody will have a clue what it's about, but I'm still doing it!"